Ooof! Very soon we’ll be wrapping up 2025 and venturing into a brand-new year. Anyone else feel a bit blah about it? Sure, there’s a little snippet of hope brimming beneath the surface for what great wonders 2026 might hold, but I have to say… I’m tired. It’s been a struggle for the past 8 months, and I’m just wanting things to go back to normal.
I want the back to normal so badly that I’ve actually imagined that trying to squeeze our family back into the itty-bitty (1300 square feet) rental we used to have would be a good idea. We’re a family of six – we were needing to move into a larger home. Even though I know this was the right move, the struggle continues and I can’t help feeling the pang of regret more often than not.
I miss the ministry – and being a part of it – at our old church. The friendships we were cultivating through our small groups are something we cherished and miss. Seeing our children – all four of them – worshipping with abandon brought tears of gratitude to my eyes. Having daily discussions about things God was showing us is something my husband and I did without it being forced. The pang of regret has started to feel like a sucker-punch that I never seem to see coming.
This move has put a strain on multiple relationships, but the hardest one – the one that pulls at me on a daily basis – is the relationship with my husband. Oh, don’t worry – we’ll make it and we’ll come out stronger on the other side, but right now we’re in the middle of some hard stuff. There have even been times that I’ve felt so overwhelmed with all of it that I found myself coming to terms in my mind that we would simply end up living a life together as roommates (divorce is not a word in our vocabulary). Then, in the next instance, I want to fight any and all forces that would try to take away the intimacy I once had with my person.
We’re in the middle of it. We’ve said yes to this move – a long, drawn-out process – and we’re searching the horizon for the end of this season. As I’ve been crying out to God for help (seriously, the ugly tears have flowed more over the past 8 months than any other time in my life), I’ve struggled to see the promise of help for right now – it always seems as though the help is coming in the future.
Yes, I know that He says He is a refuge and strong tower… a help in time of need… but I’m in need – can we get there faster? Can we get to the other side of this season already? Can I have my family back?
Then God brings to my attention a few people from the Bible that gave Him a yes and then had to go through some stuff before reaching the other side. They had to get through the hard stuff before they could experience the wonders of God’s plan.
I know that if I knew what I know now (I know… just stick with me through all the knows and knews), my yes would have come out as a no. But I wonder…
I wonder if David knew about the years on the run for his life after being anointed king. Was there a time – or two – that he hid in a cave with very few comforts and wished for the simplicity of his former shepherd life? Did he regret his yes in the middle of it?
What about Moses? He left the luxury of palace life (he was adopted, but still a prince of Egypt, remember?) and picked up the life of manual labor in a foreign land. He went from strutting the halls as a prince to being a wanted man out in the elements as a shepherd. I wonder if there were times that he regretted his actions (murdering an Egyptian slavedriver) – the actions that caused him to have to flee Pharoah’s wrath.
What about Mary and Joseph? Ah, yes! Now I can consider this a Christmas post! Finally!
Did they regret their yes? If they had paternity tests back then, would Joseph ask for one? I wonder what the results would look like… Joseph, you’re not the father… This child is the Son of God! Did Mary regret her yes during the pain of childbirth… in the equivalent of a barn? Did she regret her yes as she watched Jesus – her son – suffer a horrific death on the cross?
We don’t often think of David and immediately recall that he was hiding for his life for more than a decade. We either picture him as a shepherd or as a king – not that time in the middle. We don’t picture Moses as a prince in the Egyptian palace – we picture him triumphantly leading the Israelites out of Egypt or parting the waters of the Red Sea.
We read the Christmas story and barely take time to consider the social stigmas that Mary and Joseph faced. The baby was the King of all Kings and the Lord of all Lords – the beginning and the end. Everything is held together by the power of His Word! But we don’t always consider that when we decorate the tree or move things from our Amazon wish list to the shopping cart.
Being in the middle of this season – this season of transition – the time that has come after my yes to move, if anyone were to ask at any given moment if I regretted my yes, I would tell them (emphatically) YES! And I would have stacks of reasons to support why I regret my yes.
But I’m not yet on the other side.
David eventually left his life on the run and went on to experience living in the palace – did he regret his yes then? Moses went on to be called a friend of God – God called Moses – who was a murderer – His friend! And Mary – referred to as blessed and highly favored – saw her Son resurrected. Did she regret her yes then?
The number of things that I know right now will pale in comparison to what I will know once I’m on the other side of this season. I know that. I find it encouraging to know that the other side will hold much more beauty than what was there before.
As I was reading the other day, I was reminded to look for God in everything. It’s kind of an exercise in gratitude. In every moment of every day – in every struggle and hurt – there’s something that God is doing or working out on our behalf, even if it’s behind the scenes and we can’t see it yet. But we’ll get to the other side.
This discomfort that we’re going through right now – you might be going through something, too – it might be a necessary season that is brought about to stretch and grow us into something that we could never be without it. This is something I’ll be touching on next week, so be sure to subscribe if you haven’t already.
While I don’t know the details of what the other side looks like, I know that what I know now will pale in comparison to what I’ll know then. And when I get there, I don’t think I’ll be regretting my yes.
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