Maybe some of us need to remember that grace is not approval, but it is a reflection of God’s character. What a way to start a post! I read this about a week ago and it kept coming to mind. Over and over again. As I was praying over what I was planning to write this week, I kept going back to two different passages: the story of the Prodigal Son and the message about not worrying found in Matthew 6. And I kept pushing back – God, I’ve just recently written on those… are you sure?
Naturally, I went back and read through the passages of scripture. I had to. I was drawing a blank on what more I could write on about this highly popular parable and how did it tie together with not worrying. Not to say that I’ve exhausted every little tidbit of revelation that God can give me from these passages, but I just wasn’t seeing it. And then it hit me while at church on Sunday morning.
Part of the discussion in our Sunday school class centered around forgiving others. How do you forgive when you feel so incredibly hurt? It’s a valid question. I’ve had that same question before and struggled for a very long time in how to navigate the layers of forgiving others. How do you forgive? How do you forgive when you keep getting hurt – sometimes in the same way by the same people?
The world offers the practical feedback of simply making the decision to forgive out of self-preservation, an effort to protect our peace, setting healthy boundaries (forgiveness does not equate to reconciliation, renewed access, or approval of hurtful behavior), getting into counseling, journaling, and a whole host of other things. But what the world offers all comes from a place of self-effort.
Even a lot of Christians will test out the practical advice the world gives… but the danger lies in when we start to rely on those methods instead of God. We might give an honorable mention to God when we’re feeling on top of things, but that merely deceives us into thinking we can handle these tough issues without Him.
When the question of how to forgive others came up, I immediately thought of a scene from the movie The Shack. I’m not standing on everything in that movie as biblically accurate (so don’t come at me), but the movie does portray relationship with God in a way that we may not have considered before. The scene that came to mind is when the father is carrying the body of his daughter, prepared and wrapped for burial, and with every step he whispers words of forgiveness for the man who had killed her.
And God was leading him in it.
Unforgiveness can eat at you from the inside-out. Someone hurts us and we hold on to our anger – we’re right to be angry! We become bitter and closed off. If you’re struggling with unforgiveness, you’re probably stressed, have anxiety, you might be struggling with depression and sleep issues. All of this will wreak havoc on your physical health.
That’s where the passage from Matthew 6:25-34 comes in. I mentioned in one of my more recent posts (Blessed With Little Faith) that the flowers of the field were so beautifully adorned is a reflection of how healthy they were internally. We can’t expect to be healthy if we are holding a grudge… even if it’s a grudge that feels completely justified. Forgiveness, I’m sure you’ve heard, is not for the benefit of who we’re forgiving, but it’s mainly for us.
If we want to let go of unforgiveness, whether it’s forgiving something big or small, we have to seek God. If you’re directing – or redirecting – your focus to Him, forgiveness will naturally flow. Here’s a bold statement for you: being unable or unwilling to forgive someone is impossible when you’re focusing on Jesus.
Maybe some of us need to remember that grace is not approval, but it is a reflection of God’s character… When I read this in my study time, I was struck by how this directly ties to forgiveness. My husband has been known to say that people of grace respond in grace. Not because we’re such lovely people, but because we’re responding based on what we understand we’ve already received… and continue to receive from our Father.
When we forgive – when we extend grace – we’re not offering approval of what that person has done, but we’re reflecting God’s character. We can only do that if we’re looking at God. We can only reflect Him if we’re staring into the depths of His love.
Now I’m thinking of the prodigal son. Well, not either of the sons, but rather I can’t help but think of the father in that story (Luke 15:11-32). His son had essentially wished him dead by asking for his inheritance, left behind the identity of being his son, and made one bad choice after another in how he blew his money. Yet the father watched for his return. He didn’t see him from the window on accident – the father had to have been routinely watching the horizon for his son.
When the son had finally come to his senses (eating pig slop is a pretty good motivator), he rehearsed an apology and a plea for employment. Scripture tells us that when he was still a distance off, the father saw him and ran out to him – wrapping him in an embrace. The son hadn’t apologized, but the father had chosen to forgive. The father never approved of what his son had chosen to do, but grace and forgiveness are on display as distinctive qualities that he possesses.
Instead of going with the societal norms, he was already choosing to redeem and restore. In that culture, a son taking his inheritance and leaving the way he did was a social disgrace – but the father was the one who took the shame when he divided his estate and his son left. Typically, if anyone that belonged in that community had met the son on the road first, there would have been a public shaming. Even the community didn’t want the shame of being associated with him. But the father ran and embraced him – protecting his son from the social cost himself.
But he didn’t stop there. He then covered him with his best robe. This was a visual to cover his shame for the whole community to see, it restored the son’s status publicly, and pointed directly to a prophesy in Isaiah 61:10 (Jesus’ audience would have been familiar with it). We have been clothed in robes of righteousness, too.
And he still didn’t stop there. When the son left, his actions severed all legal ties with his family. But his father placed the family ring on his finger – a seal (we have been sealed, too – Ephesians 1:13-14) – restoring him as his son and giving him authority over the household, stating that his son can again represent him in all matters.
If all of that wasn’t enough, the father ordered sandals to be put on his son’s feet. Servants and slaves went barefoot, but sons wore shoes. The father was rejecting his son’s request for employment. The father was publicly showing that he wasn’t bringing on a servant or hired hand, but he was welcoming a son home. The robe, the ring, and the seal are much like Galatians 4:1-7 which speaks of Jesus making us sons and daughters.
The heart of our Father – like the heart of the father in the story of the prodigal son – is to meet us where we are to redeem us. To restore us. Because He’s already forgiven us. Grace doesn’t offer approval, but it does reflect the heart of the Father.
As I’ve thought on this, as I’ve considered areas and times in my life that I’ve struggled to forgive, I can’t help but wonder why I ever struggled so much. As I turn my focus to what Jesus did – I can’t even grasp all of it – every insult, injury, and slant comes across as so small.
I’m not denying feeling the sting, but when I look at Jesus, when I seek Him and His righteousness, forgiveness follows. Grace flows.
If forgiveness is an area that you’re struggling with, I pray that this helps put some things in perspective. I’m not telling you to not go to counseling or to not journal and I firmly believe in healthy boundaries. But find a counselor that will point you to Jesus. Write your journal entries to Jesus. Let’s allow Jesus to protect our peace. Let’s allow Him to lead us in forgiveness.
