If you’ve read any of my previous posts or if you know me personally, you are probably aware of an upcoming wedding. Our eldest daughter is getting married this weekend! This event is following her high school graduation that happened this past weekend. Needless to say, it’s been a busy and stressful time.
I’ve been struggling to implement the “Let go and let God” mindset. It’s difficult with wedding planning, even if you’re not really doing the planning. Preparing my family is stress enough: searching for wedding-appropriate attire on a small peninsula has proven to be near impossible. Stupidly – but without regret – I’ve also lined up family photos for the day before the wedding (all mothers know the struggle of color-coordinating and attempting to have their kiddos look less feral). That’s me: glutton for punishment.
I also like to pretend to have octopus-like limbs, or is that the same thing as being glutton for punishment? I’ll see things that need to get done and I’ll, naturally, want to get them done – yesterday. This mindset started to take root when I was about ten years old. I had procrastinated to the extreme with a school assignment and it bit me in the butt. My Nana told me something that stuck: “Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can get done today.” I know that this is not a phrase coined by her, but when she said it I remember thinking, “Wow! That’s catchy!” Even with the wisdom of my Nana, I still grumbled a protest and put off doing my work. But it stuck with me and I gradually made changes in how I approached the tasks that came along.
Another thing that drives me nuts (that I’m 100% completely guilty of) is indecision. I’m so in my own head that I’m constantly going back and forth, weighing out pros and cons, need or want – how big of a want – all to the point of frustrating my hubby as well as myself. I picked up some other wise sayings from my Nana (again, maybe not coined by her, but spoken by her): “Poop or get off the pot,” “Fish or cut bait,” and the like. Basically, make a decision already! I’m not one to talk when it comes to indecision, but couple it with my disdain for procrastinating and I’m not a happy camper.
It’s safe to assume that I’ve had sleeping issues as of late. Most of the time I can put my finger directly on the issue (anxiety), but then there are other midnight hours in which I simply cannot seem to fall asleep. Nothing specific on my mind, not even feeling the tightness anxiety brings, but my brain won’t succumb to slumber. Anyone else?
I’ve tried counting sheep, but I’m too much of a perfectionist to allow myself to miscount. I’ve also tried to do a sleep mantra, but my brain latches on and I’m suddenly riding a roller-coaster thought process. More recently, though, I’ve placed a greater importance on prayer.
Now you have an idea of the stress and where it’s coming from, but I would be remiss if I didn’t toss in there the deepness of my sorrow in regards to the upcoming wedding. She’s my baby and she’s leaving. While she frustrates the fire out of me and we definitely don’t agree on much – especially right now – and I have moments of wishing we were already past the wedding, the reality is that it’s a subconscious defense mechanism. If I’m mad at her then it will hurt less when she’s not here. But I digress…
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” II Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)
While I’ve been struggling with sadness, anxiety, and stress, I also realize that there are others who undoubtedly are, have, or will face similar emotional obstacles. We can see from the beginning of time that God has always been after a relationship with us, and this has led me to understand that life is to be lived in relationship: with God and with others. Paul consistently opens his letters with thanksgiving and prayer for the recipient, and cites their common love for God, and love of the brothers and sisters in Christ. Relationship is absolutely key to leading a full and meaningful life.
Relationships can be tough though. Let’s face it, people can be challenging. We can be hurtful, hateful, and negligent. Sometimes these attributes flow freely out of immaturity or ignorance (or a combination of the two), and some just happen because we’re naturally geared to look out for self before anything, or anyone, else. When we’re on the receiving end of the hurtful, hateful, and negligent, it’s easy to harden our hearts, and cross our arms in an attempt to self-preserve. We build up walls to keep those people out, we do the bare minimum with our effort in those relationships – if anything at all, and we silently vow to be more careful with our affections in the future.
I’m not a math person, so when I read that Jesus told us to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22), I was really disappointed when I assumed that I would have to dig deep for my meager mathematical abilities. The answer is 490, by the way. Yes, I used a calculator, but only to check that I was right. Then I realized that it’s not necessarily about the number of times we forgive the same person for the same indiscretion. It’s actually about breaking the cycle of negative thoughts we harbor for that person and the event. Most of forgiveness is a thought process; we think the words, “I forgive you…” or “I forgive so-and-so…” This practice of positively directing our thoughts helps to break the negativity we think towards that person. There are also times that we need to speak the words aloud, even if only to ourselves, because the forgiveness we need to offer seems to be a bit elusive.
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)
God has made all things possible for those who believe (Matthew 19:26, Mark 10:27, Luke 1:37). That includes forgiving our worst enemy… and getting a restful night’s sleep. Forgiveness is like a one-two-three punch to those hurtful, hateful, and neglectful feelings.
I’ve been joking lately that when I’m having trouble getting to sleep (or staying asleep), I start praying for the person I like the least and the next thing I know, I’m waking up refreshed! Part of forgiving, I’m convinced, is also praying for those we’re forgiving. I’ll be honest: it’s tough to pray for people I don’t like, but God really has made all things possible for those who believe in Him.
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.” Romans 8:26-27 (NIV)
Isn’t that awesome? I imagine all of my sorrow and hurt coming out in groans because words cannot justly express how I’m feeling (I’m not even sure I fully understand how I’m feeling!). But what I find even more amazing is that we don’t have to know what to pray (good because we don’t know), be strong enough to pray (have you ever been sleep-deprived?), or even pray with actual words (again, sleep-deprived?). He intercedes for us in accordance with God’s will. And remember what God’s will is? His will is for us to be saved, healed, joyful – grace upon grace upon grace. (I Timothy 2:4, I Thessalonians 5:16-18, John 1:16)
The devil wants nothing more than to drive us to depression, accentuate our anxiety, and steal our sweet slumber (John 10:10). On the other hand, God has lavished on us grace upon grace (Ephesians 1:7, John 1:16), and has for us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). This desire of God is so intense that when there was no way for us to be in relationship with Him, He stretched out his own arm and made a way (Isaiah 63:4-5). And now, when it seems there’s no way to pray coherently, He’s provided a way for that, too.
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you to do.” I Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NKJV)