“Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life.” Psalm 42:7-8 (NIV) I don’t usually start out my posts with scripture, but this didn’t just speak to me; it stopped me in my tracks. This passage of scripture is beautiful in its flow, the picture it paints, and the melody it invokes. Maybe it’s a void that recognizes the perfect fill; a need being answered with exact provision. I’m not completely sure, but it spoke to me.
Growing up a preacher’s kid (yes, I’m a PK), I was in Sunday School, Children’s Church, Vacation Bible School (VBS), church summer camp, youth group, and oh so much more. If the doors of the church were open, I was there. If there was a craft to illustrate a Bible story, I had the glue, construction paper, and popsicle sticks. If there was a song with hand motions, I knew it… fluently. And then I walked away from the entire church scene and everything with it (including Christian music and reading my Bible), and those melodies of innocence faded. But it’s interesting how easily it can all be recalled.
Our kids (at this moment in time: 17yo, 7yo, 5yo, and 2yo) have been brought up in the church, though not as intensely as I was. They’ve never done VBS, but the school-aged kiddos all go to a Christian school. Our teenager went through a lot of youth group, youth group events, camps, hiking trips, and numerous other things (my husband was a youth pastor for a while, so she went even when she wasn’t old enough). Our 7yo and 5yo come home from school and church singing songs that I learned at their age. The most recent that even my 2yo is catching on to is “Deep and Wide”. She sings it, “Deet and why…”
The song “Deep and Wide” is about a fountain that’s flowing deep and wide. Really deep insight there; you’re welcome! The version that I learned as a VBS attender never went into much depth as to, well, anything. We learned the hand motions and then came substituting an “Mmmm” for a word. “Deep and mmm, deep and mmm, there’s a fountain flowing deep and mmm…” It really was a lot of fun. The version I recently had the pleasure of listening to narrows in on what is flowing and not just how it’s flowing (and no hand motions – Link here). It’s grace. God’s grace is flowing deep and wide. And the grace is flowing from the veins of Jesus. What a picture of love!
When I was in eighth grade, going to Albritton Junior High School, I had a boyfriend. Or rather, we were “going out” but I’m really not sure where we were going now that I think about it. It was an on and off loyalty in which we were boyfriend and girlfriend for several months, something would happen and we would break up, and then we would make amends and be the happy couple again. We even went as far as telling each other “I love you” and we really meant it. We were convinced that we loved each other, and we were right… according to our understanding of love.
In High School, it was a similar story. I had a boyfriend (different guy) and we loved each other, we were going to live happily ever after, and adults who claimed to know more than us, well they obviously knew nothing. We were going to prove them wrong. We were going to make and have a life together. Over the course of ten years, I’m pretty sure we broke up at least that many times. We tried to be friends, but our understanding of love was all or nothing regardless of the other person’s best interest. But that was our understanding of love (I Corinthians 13:11-12).
My husband, Ken, and I have been married for almost ten years. We’ve known each other for more than 20. We’ve been friends, we hinted early on of it possibly being more (and it never took off), we went through a time of almost zero contact, and then we were reunited. Yes, yes, yes… the makings of a sappy romance movie. There was a lot of heartache on my storyline and a lot of adventure on his. I had walked away from God and he had moved closer in. What he valued most I didn’t want a part of. Then, about 6 months before Ken contacted me (first time in 3 years), I decided to discover who God really was. I had a picture in my head of a mean, cruel God that had impossible standards I was expected to live up to, but my spirit kept calling foul. I wanted to find out for myself the true nature of God. This thirst for answers changed my life, but another wave crashed over me several years into our marriage.
Every individual, in a marriage or not, makes mistakes (accidental), and then there are the blatant transgressions (a conscious choice) that eventually catch up to us. As a member of the human race, of at least average intelligence, I feel confident in saying that we can be really stupid! Ken called me out on one such occasion, a choice that I kept making, over and over again. It was a tough pill to swallow. I’m not referring to what I would have to give up as being the tough pill, but rather being called out on something I was doing that was wrong. I felt shame and unworthiness, but the wave of grace that crashed over me washed it beyond what I could see. (Get it? Wave, see… sea? I really try to add humor to my posts.)
Ken stated that regardless of what I chose, he loved me and forgave me. Even if I decided to keep doing what I was doing, he would love me. Before you start thinking the worst of me, not that it wasn’t bad enough, I’ll tell you: I went through a time in my life of cigarette smoking. Then I quit. Then I started again. Then I quit… over and over again. Quit, start, quit, start, quit, start, quit, start… Ugh! Then, when I knew how my husband felt about it (I actually felt the same way, but felt trapped even when the lock was broken), I decided to start again, and this time I hid it. I’m sure there are multiple levels of fun a shrink could have, but my smoking back then was all about selfishness. I wanted something for myself that was only mine and had nothing to do with any of what I felt “chained” by. Interesting that I assumed chains that weren’t chains that brought about chains that actually chained me down, wait, what?
That night, that act of grace, changed me. I walked away from smoking that night. That’s what grace does. My husband, being a willing vessel, modeled God’s love and grace towards me and in turn I ran to God (Romans 2:4). By running to God, I also fell into the embrace of my husband. It was a radical change for our marriage, and the waves continue to crash over us even to this day, years later. Had my husband given me an ultimatum, I honestly can’t say how that would have turned out. Isn’t it interesting how we each have a spirit of rebellion within us? I hope that I would not have stuck my chin out and said, “Oh bless it, I’ll do what I want!” But that’s the beauty of grace.
This one instance of my being a recipient of grace, has caused my husband and I to have the same discussion over and over again: how deep the waters of God’s grace must be (Ephesians 3:16-21)! The amount of our understanding is really just a drop compared to the vast ocean, the heights, the depths; the sheer magnitude of force! To be loved so much is something we fail to comprehend. Kind of like how my understanding of love was in junior high… and even high school. Like love, we have a miniscule understanding of grace.
“As people of grace, we need to be gracious.” My husband says this when we’re faced with not-so-gracious people. We come across them a lot on social medias, we run into them at the grocery store, and plastering on a smile can wear even the best person down when operating in our own strength (Philippians 4:4-9). When we operate in the grace God’s freely given us, however, it becomes much easier to not pass judgment on others or take unnecessary offense. Not-so-gracious people may not be your favorite, but God loves them. God saw fit to pour out every last drop of His wrath on His Son, Jesus, in order to pour so much grace onto mankind that surpasses comprehension; I think I can be a vessel and offer grace to others (Romans 5:1-11).
There’s evidence of God’s grace throughout the entire Bible; His desire to draw us through love, mercy, grace, kindness… His absolute goodness. I know it might be a lot, but I urge you to read the scriptures included at the end. Like me, you can experience the all-encompassing goodness of God. I personally prefer to pick up my own Bible and read (and compare translations) instead of someone’s typing them out on the internet (I hope you know that not everything on the internet is true – unless it’s Abraham Lincoln making a quote about social media).
Romans 2:2-4 Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?
Romans 5:5-11 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not on is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
I Corinthians 13:11-12 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
Ephesians 2:3-10 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in our transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 3:16-21 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Philippians 4:4-9 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Titus 3:3-7 At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.