Who’s the Favorite?

***Originally posted 02/25/2019 and updated to kick off a new series on God’s love***

“He’s taking over the whole house!” In the movie “Boss Baby,” Tim tries to convince his parents that there’s something weird with the new baby. He feels threatened by the tiny intruder. He’s no longer the only one getting tucked in, read to, and his special song is no longer sung due to the fog of exhaustion his parents have disappeared into. His parents try to explain that someday, he, too, will love the baby brother with his whole heart… just the way the parents do. This concept is unimaginable for little Timothy Leslie Templeton. How can a whole heart offer love to one and still have the same amount of love for another? My husband and I have the privilege of having four children. Four blessed children. I once resolved to not allow a baby to take over “the whole house.” They have a bedroom, don’t they? Keep all the kid-crappery quietly contained in their room. My “resolve” didn’t last long. Our first-born proved to be the queen of having toy-displacement problems.

We were living in Germany when I lost my apartment to a mini-me. Along a wall in the living room, looping around the corner, a break where the TV sat, and continuing on, was nothing but toys. And not just toys; oh no! They were noisy toys. My mini-me had a little toddler trike that she would blast through the apartment on. From one end of the hall, zipping into the kitchen, gently (for the most part) ramming into the back of my legs, turning around to return to the living room, and she would start at one end of the row of toys, get all of them going at top volume and finish off by playing her toy piano. She was a riot with the toys!

The toy-displacement only grew worse as we had more children. With our next daughter, I actually thought I still had a chance. Our son confirmed that defeat was inevitable. Our fourth, well, I don’t even remember what a house looks or sounds like without the so-called kid “essentials.” What house is complete without a naked Baby Alive doll? A lone Lego being stepped on that elicits grammatical and mathematical symbols ($#@%) to be bitten back – we have to set an example after all. A Hulk that “smashes!” A play phone that sings the ABCs in a whiney child-like voice. Ugh! These days, 9 times out of 10, there’s a toy in the living room, a puzzle piece that’s hiding out under the pie pantry, or a lone sock under or in the couch (yeah, the dryer really doesn’t feast on footie threads). Then there’s the bathroom – toothpaste smudges on the counter, tub toys sometimes in the tub, and dolls lounging by the pool, I mean sink.

If that wasn’t enough, does anyone else out there have trouble finding where the handle is on the fridge through all of the artwork? The kids want a string cheese and we just can’t find the handle! Oh. Bless. It. I have to get to the Tillamook Mudslide and the Espresso Chip ice cream! My fridge is the worst! I’m to blame. As much as I’d like to gesture to the endless display of half-colored Paw-Patrols and My Little Ponies, I’m also a magnet junkie. I have kid-use magnets, morale-lifting magnets, sarcastic magnets, funny magnets, and sentimental magnets. I think the magnets that have funny sayings or quotes are genius! “Tell me what you need and I’ll tell you how to get along without it” is one. I may need to find a magnet support group…

The items held up by my magnets, displayed on the fridge for all who enter (open floorplan is attractive, my foot), that’s the point; not the magnets (please forget the magnets). How can we display our kids’ artwork without showing favoritism? Or report cards? And don’t forget that I require easy access to the ice cream. We have four stinkin’ kids (and our 5th is due any day)! There’s not enough room on the fridge to give equal display. What is a mom to do?

I tried cycling through, putting one piece of scribbled delight up and replacing it the next day. Has this method ever worked for anyone with more than one kid? And what do you do with the art that’s being taken down? You can’t just throw it away! I turned to Google to figure out display options that wouldn’t rip paint off the walls or put holes in cabinets. It had to be something durable, though. A piece of twine and laundry pins are beautiful on Pinterest, but with my kids, the pins would go missing and the twine would hang bare (or not hang at all). I searched and found art display frames that would solve all of these issues I was facing. Not only are they child-friendly, but they’re attractive and can store previous artwork! “Hello, Mudslide, my old friend…. I can reach for you again…!”

My fridge, still holds half-colored pictures of Paw-Patrol pups in action, stick figures with misspelled words of adoration, and phone numbers belonging to my kids’ friend’s parents. Whew! That was a mouthful! Do I wish for a clean fridge? Absolutely! Would I be able to pick and choose which magnets, I mean masterpieces, get to stay on display? Nope! And for the moment you’ve been reading for… Yes! This all got me thinking as to how in the heavens God loves all of us… equally.

Each of our kiddos have very different personalities – Each of them are my favorite and they know it. There’s a uniqueness to each of them that makes it impossible to choose a favorite, and it would be heartbreaking if they ever felt like they didn’t “measure up.” It’s one of my favorite things about God – He doesn’t have a favorite!

Growing up in the church, I was always reminded, “If it were just you, God would have still sent Jesus to save you…” Sure, that sounds ego-boosting, but is it really true? So often we find that someone did a better piece of art and ours has been taken down, no longer on display as the favorite. Sure, God loves us, “the Bible tells me so…” but I’m sure He loves that guy over there who has a less-shady past and is living in his brighter-than-mine future. Right? He makes better choices, doesn’t have his mind in the gutter, doesn’t have a sailor living in his head ($#@%), and doesn’t have a magnet obsession… God loves them much more than He loves me.

All four of my kids are vastly different. Our youngest is the most stubborn and fiery child I’ve ever known (with a sweet disposition), we have our own future lawyer who tries to be more mature in her dealings with her siblings than is called for, our son is a future engineer – or he might just sell you a snack-sized piece of candy for $5 and you’ll walk away thinking you got a deal, and our eldest has come into her own as a mother herself – maybe the toys have taken over her home, too. All different! Is one gifting better than another? No. Does God have one that He loves more than another? NO!

All of this might be confusing for someone who has read about “the disciple whom Jesus loved.” I know! It’s right there in the Bible! MULTIPLE TIMES! (John 13:23, John 19:26, John 20:2, John 21:7, John 21:20) What kind of God loves one disciple and not the other 11? And if Jesus loves only one of the disciples, I haven’t a chance in H-E-double hockey sticks! But that’s what I get for jumping to conclusions and only looking at the surface. I don’t want to have a “surface” relationship with my Abba. Sometimes the surface is a little more comfortable, but makes it easier for us to believe the lies Satan tells us: “You’re ugly. How can you call yourself a Christian when you think the thoughts you do. You’re a horrible parent. Your kids would be better off without you. Your husband/wife could do better. You’re not important. You lost your temper – great witness you are. You kiss your mother with that mouth? You’re not anyone’s favorite!” Is any of that true?

That’s a mighty high opinion he had of himself. Does that mean John was loved more than the others? Absolutely not! It means John understood what so many of us don’t even see – he was taught love by the very person who defines it!

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:10 (NIV)

This might sound harsh to all the religious people out there, but it doesn’t matter if I love God or how much I love God, He loves me regardless of my acceptance of Him. That’s right! God loves you even if you haven’t accepted His love for you! Read that again: God loves you even if you haven’t accepted His love for you!

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 (NIV)

Mind blown! (an expression our eldest uses)

John wasn’t bragging about how much more he was loved by Jesus compared to his fellow disciples. He was resting in the fact that Jesus loved him and he didn’t have to spin his wheels trying to add to it. It’s not about how much you love God; you’ll always fall short of loving Him perfectly. God, however, loves perfectly every time. As much as I wish I could say that I love my kids perfectly, there are times I have to walk away from them. I grit my teeth, stick my chin out and walk away! My selfish persona peeks through, my tone changes, or my face displays my frustrations. For the love, WALK AWAY!

When my self-esteem took that nose-dive I mentioned, my husband acted in the most ridiculous way. It was the most loving way, but super cheesy. He made it a point to address me as “The one whom Jesus and I love.” My number isn’t programed into his phone under “Alisha” or “Bru” or “Wifey” or “Ball & Chain.” I am “The One Whom Jesus and I Love.” It’s a mouthful, but hearing it, reading it, and saying it aloud has made a big difference in helping me believe the truth in that title.

As parents we can try and try, but we’ll never love our kids perfectly. We’ll never love our spouse perfectly. As selfish as we are, we’ll never even love ourselves perfectly. That’s because we’re imperfect. But God, He’s perfect. He designs perfectly, creates perfectly, and saved perfectly. He loves us even when we feel unlovable. When Satan tries to come at you with a club to beat you up, say aloud, “I’m the one whom Jesus loves!” Remind yourself when looking in the mirror, putting on make-up, or staring down those new gray hairs: “I’m the one whom Jesus loves!” You’re His favorite!