The struggle for finding and living significance is real. As a SAHM who homeschools, I can understand how easy it is to feel insignificant. It was even pretty difficult when I was working outside the home! I would get home from work, make dinner (not from a box either), call the family to dinner, and they would slowly make their way to the table, not considering that I put some thought and effort into what I was presenting them after working all day. Bathrooms being cleaned seemed to go unnoticed, laundry washed and folded would be met with sighs of disgust because they were asked to put their clothes away. Even shopping was often scoffed at even though I was shopping for the menu I had made for the week. There was a time I felt significantly insignificant. Anyone else relate?
It was during this time, for about 3 to 4 years, that the hold alcohol had on me really dug the claws in. I was praised at work for every accomplishment. The time management and multitasking that was required was noticed and applauded – even if what I accomplished was part of my job description. Then I would go home. While I wasn’t less appreciated, I felt as though I was. There was a bit of resentment as well with the amount of time spent and not spent with our kiddos. I didn’t feel appreciated and the only sounding wall I thought I had was an open bottle that was being consumed on a daily basis. Then there was a shift.
After a bit of a confrontation and going a couple weeks without a drink, I sought permission from my hubby to buy the makings for Christmas mimosas. It was Christmas Eve, and I was barricaded in a room wrapping presents. I was facing what seemed to be a long holiday. In reality, it was a Monday night, and the stores would only be closed on Tuesday. As we sat in the floor, surrounded by wrapping paper and presents, both wrapped and unwrapped, something shattered: the chains of alcohol that had been holding me captive not only broke, but they were incinerated.
From that moment, filled with racking sobs (ugly crying… it was ugly crying, y’all), I haven’t had a desire for any alcohol. My freedom is so real that I can even be around others who are enjoying a drink and not be affected. During the cleansing, ugly crying, I discovered my significance. I didn’t search it out, there are many out there who spend their lives searching for significance, but in that blip in time, God became tangibly real to me and revealed how significant I was – and am – to Him.
I heard someone recently say that it’s not about who you know, but it’s about who knows you. You might meet a person of great influence – an actor, athlete, or musician – and get their autograph, shake hands, and pose for a photo, and you might say you know them. If that person of influence heard your name, would they know you? I met God and He knows so much more than just my name.
“If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.” Matthew 10:39 The Message
There are so many out there who search for significance and yet are so very lost – and they’re blind to it. They keep coming up empty and are left with a sense of being discontent. They look for their identity in how many social media followers they acquire, how many likes they receive on their posts, grades they get in school, degrees and certifications, the amount of money in their bank accounts, where they live, what they drive, what they wear, how many and what sports they play, their political views, what gender they think they can decide to be (there are TWO), and even who they associate with. None of it offers the significance we long to experience.
I searched for peace, identity, and a slew of other things and thought I’d find them in a bottle. I thought I would find them in work, in relationships, in hobbies, even in church attendance and volunteering… and I always came up dissatisfied. My heart felt sick. I was going through the motions of life without what I needed and with only what the world could come up with for directions.
I needed the Bread of Life (John 6:35), the Living Water (John 4:14), the Comforter (II Corinthians 1:3-4, John 14:26-27), the Chain-Breaker (Psalm 104:14, Isaiah 9:4), the Light of the World because I couldn’t see my way out (John 8:12, I John 1:5), and I needed the only One who could redeem and restore me (John 8:36, Isaiah 57:15).
I got to the end of myself and found God there – He was always there, waiting patiently for me to see Him. He didn’t berate me for turning to alcohol instead of Him, He didn’t condemn me or rub my nose in it. He opened His arms wide and held me while I ugly-cried. When I say that I found my significance in Him, it’s not a religious phrase I toss out there without meaning. My significance is absolutely found in being His child.
Oh Bless It! would not exist if things had gone differently on that Christmas Eve. Not only was I freed from such a debilitating addiction, but in the process, I was freed to dream again. I was freed to pursue and reach goals that I had thought were drowned in bottle after bottle. I was finally able to be a wife and mother who no longer needed validation based on the world’s standards. My significance was, and is, fully found in my identity as a child of God.
There are times, because I’m far from perfect, that I have to go back and remind myself about what my identity as a child of God consists of. I’ve posted this graphic before, also in a post about identity, and found that it’s worth sharing again. Feel free to share it and even add scriptures to it – but my prayer is that the truth of your identity as a child of God becomes your reality.
What seasons have you gone through where you lost sight of your significance? What addictions have you struggled with (and it doesn’t have to be a substance)? What was your turning point?
I use this blog as a tool to testify of God’s goodness to as many as will come across it. Sharing it via social media, emailing or texting a link to a friend or loved one, or even simply sharing something that impacted you from your own relationship with God are ways to spread the message of salvation.
“For it is my Father’s will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life. I will raise him up in the last day.” John 6:40 NLT
I’m so thankful that I finally saw the Son. It’s past time that more saw Him, with arms stretched wide to embrace them. Share my story – the story of my ugly crying. Pass this post along to someone you know, tell someone about the hope that is only found in Jesus, tell them your own story. It’s time to be the witnesses we’re called to be (I Peter 3:15, Mark 16:15, Romans 10:17, and many more). Your testimony of encountering God, whether through dramatic turmoil or a quiet Tuesday night, is a powerful tool for spreading the gospel.
Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done. Sing to him; yes, sing his praises. Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds. I Chronicles 16:8-9 NLT
Thank you for bearing your soul, and your ugly cry. You truly blessed me with your authentic testimony! Yes God receives all the Glory. Hugs and kisses!