My kiddos have a way of getting the best of me, good and bad. Trying to explain things to a 4, 7, or 9 year old that seems completely understandable to me is often met with confusion or the infamous glazed-over sheen in their eyes. I kid you not, the glaze-over is not just present in teens! It often happens when I spend more than 2 minutes on one topic. Then, on the flip side, there are times that I’m not sure I should be proud of their listening skills or irritated. They can quote movies better than most and they always seem to recall the day and time of a conversation and the words I said – verbatim – especially if it means they get candy, a movie night, or game time.
Just recently, at dinner, I asked my husband to pass the sour cream – I think my words were, “Would you mind passing the sour cream?” Our 4 year old took that opportunity to state that I didn’t say please, that I should have said please, and that I just need someone to train me. (By the way, I did say thank you – I’m not completely uncivilized.) I made a humorous show of apologizing for neglecting to say please and would my hubby please forgive me for being so rude (all said with a smile)? After I was verbally forgiven, our 4 year old proceeded to explain that I should always say please and thank you – and when we say sorry and are forgiven, we’re also supposed to hug.
Training… that’s what we do as parents. We teach our kiddos. We teach our kiddos how to interact with others through speech and actions. I made mention in a recent post that we don’t teach our kiddos the Ten Commandments. This is a big deal when it comes to any kind of VBS (Vacation Bible School) or Sunday School lesson. How exactly do we teach our kiddos right from wrong if we don’t teach them law? This was something that recently came up when we noticed our kiddos were starting to say the words, “Oh my God!”
As kiddos get older, they start to venture out into the world. At first, it might be that they go from sleeping in your room to sleeping in their own room (or sharing with a sibling). They go from only hearing their mother’s voice to hearing many voices (depending on how big your circle is of family and friends). Then they start interacting with other kiddos. This is where it can get kind of scary. I know what I’ve taught my kiddos, but I have no idea what the other kiddo has been taught by their parents. What have they been exposed to in entertainment? Substances? Basic speech? Social interactions? It can be downright stressful!
Our kiddos have always been eager to make friends. As parents, we want our kiddos to make friends with other well-behaved kiddos. That’s normal! Unfortunately, in the world we live in, not all parents teach their kiddos the same things. These days, “Oh my God” is completely acceptable, having a girlfriend/boyfriend at the tender age of 4 is adorable (especially if they kiss! *insert eyeroll here*), and video game violence is not a big deal. These are just a few areas that we’re facing in regards to our kiddos’ social arena. But how do we teach our kiddos rules (also referred to as laws) when we’re grace believers?
All of the book of Galatians is a comparison of Law and Grace. In chapter 5, we see what each produces – the fruit of the Law vs the fruit of Grace. Living life based on the perfection required by the Law and you’re doomed to fail. Living your life directed by the Spirit will, on the other hand, produce victory over those same fleshly desires (also known as sin).
“So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.” Galatians 5:16-18 (NIV)
I remember having to memorize the Big Ten – all of the “Thou shalt nots.” On a deeper level of teaching, I was taught that it wasn’t enough to just refrain from actually doing any of the things listed that we weren’t supposed to do, but we had to refrain from even thinking those things (imagining being physical with someone is the same as physically being with them and hating someone is the same as murdering them, etc.). Simply teaching someone what they have to do or not do in order to live right does not produce right living.
Living life according to the Spirit will never – I repeat, never – lead you to sinful living. As the passage states: walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Where does that leave us parents who are trying to teach our children about right living? Do we teach them a lot of “Thou shalt nots”? I’m not so sure… Romans 7:7-13 explains that sin came alive with the law. Please don’t get me wrong – in that same passage, we’re told that the law is holy and righteous and good – but the point is that we are not! And neither are our kiddos.
We wrestled with this, teaching our kiddos to not say, “Oh my God!” and what approach we would need to take to see a change in their behavior. And then I remembered the truth of Grace. Learning all of the things I’m not supposed to do (such as the Big Ten) never taught me the heart of God. The heart of God is not about keeping people in line, being a puppet master, or blasting people with guilt and condemnation (perhaps in the form of a lightning bolt?). The Bible never describes God as wrath, but as love. Further reading in Galatians 5 shows the fruit of living by the works of the flesh (remember – the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit).
“The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Galatians 5:19-21 (NIV)
Understanding the heart of God and being led by the Spirit has led me to walk away from several addictions cold turkey and without the traditional ultimatums, steps, programs and meetings most initially assume. This includes a few things listed as fruits of living by works of the flesh. All of them lead to death – death of a marriage, death of a family, physical death, and even spiritual death. What are the fruits of being led by the Spirit? Most know these, but let’s take a moment to focus on them:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV)
As Olaf would say, “All good things, all good things…” (from the movie “Frozen”). All of those things are good. This is what God wants for us! This is His heart! Do my kiddos know my heart? Do they look at me or think of me and recall a list of “Thou shalt nots” and “You must do this”? They know that I don’t want them to say “Oh my God!” but do they know why?
Sure, it’s not a huge deal for so many out there, but it is a huge deal for others. Just like God wants all the good things for His kiddos, I also want good things for mine. Are my kiddos going to suffer greatly because they take God’s name in vain (part of the Big Ten)? Not in the light of eternity, but what about here on earth? This is where I Corinthians 10:23 comes in:
“’I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’—but not everything is constructive.” I Corinthians 10:23 (NIV)
People are absolutely judged based on their speech. Sure, we’re not supposed to judge the salvation of others, but we can’t seem to help judging that and every other area. People are judged by what they wear, how they look, how they speak, and every other aspect of their lives. These judgements can effect relationships, educational opportunities, jobs, and careers. I don’t want my kiddos to follow the rules for the sake of following the rules – I want them to have all good things!
I love that our kiddos know our heart – that they know they are loved regardless of keeping a rule because it’s not about keeping rules – it’s about knowing we want the best life for them. This is also what we want them to know about their Heavenly Father. He wants them to have all the good things they can possibly have. And that’s what He wants for all of us.