…My ignoring God didn’t change His opinion of me… I realize that this statement I made in my last post, The Good Goal, may have put some back on their heels. I mean, obviously, we have to dress the part, act the part, and pay our dues. We can’t be a good Christian if we’re not in church every Sunday, we have to spend a certain amount of time reading our Bible, and Heaven forbid we eat without a prayer of thanks – than again, we may be fasting like a good Christian sometimes has to do. A great deal of religion focuses on rules instead of relationship. These rules, these things we’re encouraged to do, are good to do. We should go to church. We should read our Bible. We should recognize and show gratitude for all God has done for us. But if we don’t…
Many of you know that my childhood was full of church. Early Service, 11 a.m. Service, Sunday School, Children’s Church, Youth Group, Wednesday Night Supper (with a service), VBS (Vacation Bible School), and Camp Glisson in the summers. I even had church filling my education up until 6th grade via homeschool and Christian school. My punch-card was holey (pun intended). But I still didn’t measure up according to most sermons and lessons I heard. Jesus loves you, but… or You’re saved by grace through faith, but… Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine (or is He?)… or similar outpourings of guilt and condemnation raining from the pulpit.
Please understand that I’m not out to bash the church. This may seem like blanket comments for all of my church experiences, but I do have memories of good moments with God in my childhood, and there are good churches out there. As an adult who believes that our salvation is so much more than many churches teach, I’ve become hyper-aware of legalistic antics that strap heavy burdens around the necks of Christians. Don’t we do that to ourselves enough outside of our walk with God?
We berate ourselves, we have thoughts of inadequacy, and have a strong tendency to disqualify ourselves before ever trying – no matter what it is that we’re doing! We often take on too much and seldom ask for help. According to Facebook, my spouse should have this kind of success, I should be doing this, have a house like this, have kids doing everything perfectly, and all while still being able to fit into my clothes from high school… There are too many unrealistic standards we place on ourselves – church is the last place we should experience being berated and told that we’re inadequate or that we’re not qualified.
“’Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.’” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)
As I pile my plate high with day-to-day responsibilities – homeschooling three kiddos, taking care of our infant, keeping the house clean, maintaining a stocked kitchen, meal planning and prep, keeping everyone clothed for the current season (don’t forget keeping those wardrobes clean!), and there’s this blogging thing I also try to do… Not to mention being a wife – love tanks can’t run on empty for long. I have more than enough opportunities in each day to berate myself, take note of my inadequacies, and feel far from qualified in any of the areas I attempt to maintain.
If we’re already overwhelmed with feelings of not being good enough, what would be the draw of going to church? The weekly process of getting 4 kiddos to not look feral before church can add to the feelings of inadequacy (talk about stress!). As a child of God, am I going to be assured that I’m accepted just as I am? Am I going to have to go through a beating before I feel a healing balm from my Savior? Am I good enough once I’ve accepted Jesus? Will I still be good enough a week from now?
Was Jesus’ sacrifice good enough?
At what point is it no longer good enough?
“But this Man, after He had offered one sacrifice for sins forever, sat down at the right hand of God, from that time waiting till His enemies are made His footstool. For by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified. But the Holy Spirit also witnesses to us; for after He had said before, ‘This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the Lord: I will put My laws into their hearts, and in their minds I will write them,’ then He adds, ‘Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.’ Now where there is remission of these, there is no longer an offering for sin.” Hebrews 10:12-18 (NKJV)
After that one sacrifice, there’s no more debt to pay! I’m not saying we should go out and purpose to sin. I am saying that when we slip up, it’s already been paid for, and we still belong to God. He still sees Jesus’ righteousness when He looks at us. We are good enough!
On those days that I find myself doubting my abilities in homeschooling, writing, and housework (among so many other areas), I have found that I don’t doubt who I am in my Father’s eyes. My kiddos may never have the neatest handwriting, my attempts at writing might only impact a handful of souls, and my house looks more lived in than pristine; my relationship with God is not listed on the column of doubt.
When I spent several years trying to ignore God, He still looked at me and saw the righteousness of His Son. That may sound outlandish to some, but it’s true. I never denied that He was my Savior. I never rejected Him as the King of Kings. I was trying to ignore Him because I was tired of getting weighed down in all the ways I failed. I knew I wasn’t perfect. I knew that I never would be perfect. But was I forgiven or was I a wretched sinner? You can’t be both. You either have the assurance of your salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus or you’re pleading, week after week, for what you already have.
If it were according to what I did for God to love me, Jesus would never have been sent to die on the cross.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.” Romans 5:8-11 (NKJV)
We also cannot be condemned for sins that Someone else was condemned for. Our justification (Romans 4:23-25) means that God has judged us to be righteous and not guilty of sin. Jesus’ sacrifice was more than good enough, therefore, as believers, we are more than good enough.
For all of you out there who have those moments of feeling inadequate or those times you beat yourself up for not being perfect, I hope and pray you’ll also take a moment to thank God that you never have to doubt His love for you. He doesn’t see you (or your house) as a mess. He looks at you and I imagine Him saying, “You were worth every crack of the whip, every pounding on the nails, and every single drop of blood – You’re mine and I love you!