The Flags of Failure

Have you ever heard of having a word for the year? Up until a couple years ago, I had never heard of it. I had already given up on making resolutions at the beginning of a new year – most people who make resolutions will give up before the end of the first month. I just came to the conclusion that if I wasn’t willing to stick to something in the middle of the year, the beginning of the year didn’t really offer much more hope for my resolve.

But as soon as I started reading more about having a word for the new year, my curiosity was piqued. It’s probably because it was being presented from a perspective of the Christian faith, but it really can be utilized in the lives of anyone who is searching. Searching for significance and meaning, for acceptance and love, for anything that they feel they are lacking in. Having a word doesn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things but being open and receptive to the truth that God has more for you than you’re walking in really does.

As I pondered this at the beginning of last year, I kept getting stuck on the word trust. That could be in regard to trusting God and/or trusting others. This word cut like a knife because I do not trust easily. I didn’t want the word trust, but I kept coming back to it. I’ve been lied to and betrayed, I’ve had the foundation of my identity crumble out from under me, and I’ve gone through seasons of feeling abandoned and rejected. Trust does not come easily for me, so for that to be my word, I felt defeated right out the gate. Please note that trust is a two-way street in many ways, and I have betrayed the trust of others as well. I’m not proud of it and I think it’s one of the reasons I struggle to trust others.

If you’re curious about the outcome, I’m still a work in progress (as we all are if we’re being completely honest). There are always areas that God wants us to improve in, but His order is key to the success of our improvement. It would not work, for example, to have my word for this year be surrender if I had not just gone through a year focusing on trust.

You read that right – my word for this year is surrender. I feel the same about this word as I did trust – Ugh!

How many of you recognize that there are words that have a negative connotation attached to them? Surrender is one of those words. We hear the word and immediately picture defeat. Perhaps a military force is no longer much of a force, so they are waving a white flag of surrender. They have given up on their mission – they have failed. That’s not what most of us would consider a good thing. Let me share a few confessions and we’ll see if there’s validity in the goodness of surrender.

I have failed in so many ways when it comes to being a wife. Submitting to someone who is imperfect while I am wrestling with my own imperfection is failure waiting to happen. I’ve failed at being a good mother – I was a bit of an alcoholic till a little over 6 years ago and my oldest is in her 20’s. That should be all I need to say to describe the type of mother I once was for my kiddos. As a family member and a friend – I have pushed people away through my choices made out of hurt. I have failed over and over again!

As a failure in those major areas, surrender is the only option. But who am I surrendering to?

Those military forces who threw up the white flag in surrender only did that because they were hoping – trusting – that by surrendering they would have a better future than being killed in battle. They knew they were beat, they were not going to be victorious in their endeavor or mission, so they recognized that they had to accept the will of the one they were fighting against. And they were probably thinking that surrendering to the will of who they had been fighting was better than death.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. Psalm 23:1 NASB

I used to get bored with the 23rd Psalm. It was recited all the time when I was growing up, so I grew to tune it out. Wouldn’t you know it, last year, as I was wrestling with the word trust, I dug into the chapter and shared some insights in Then I Found Grace. Surrender is in the same category of trust. They go together, they fit, they complement each other. But for it to be a healthy surrender, trust has to come first.

In all of my failures, I failed because I was holding onto control. I had a death-grip on control and was refusing to relinquish – refusing to surrender – to the One who created all, knows all, and is all. I had the mindset that I would rather sink with the ship than trust Him. I wanted Him to calm the storms – none of want storms – but I didn’t want Him at the helm.

If the Lord is my shepherd, that means that I am not in control. He is the One who is leading me to green pastures, guiding me through valleys, protecting me from my enemies, and giving me the grace to love and forgive those who have hurt me or wish to do me harm. It also means that, as a result of Him being in control, there is nothing that I lack. All of my needs are met because He is leading me.

When I follow His lead, there is peace in my family. Peace in my relationship with my husband and my children. When I follow His lead, I’m able to extend grace with greater ease. When I am surrendered to His will for my life, my stress is lower, messes are much more manageable, and His blessings seem to overflow.

Did you notice that I wrote When I follow His lead? It’s a daily choice. Sometimes it’s a moment-to-moment choice. But the surrender gets easier and easier with each decision. With each recall of previous surrenders – remembering when God led me through some tough and interesting times – I realize again that God’s goodness goes beyond my understanding and comprehension.

Trust. Surrender. Both so beautiful and so very necessary for everyone who has a relationship with God. We must trust. We must surrender. It’s not always easy, but God is ever-so-patient, gracious, and loving. If you are to do anything this year – maybe you’ve resolved to lose weight, read more, or spend less – those really don’t matter if you don’t trust God and surrender to Him. As you surrender your will to Him, the other stuff will work itself out seemingly without much effort.

Trust Him. Surrender to Him. He won’t allow you to lack anything that you need.