I came across a saying recently that hit me. I don’t think it would have landed the way it did if we weren’t experiencing the typical disappointments that come when house-hunting – but I was in a slump, and it helped offer a bit of perspective. Be thankful for what is instead of resenting what is not. I don’t know who originally said it and there are multiple variations floating around the internet, but it landed where it needed to, nonetheless.
I appreciate the home we’ve had for the last four years. It has served us well, but we’re ready for a bit more space. As we’ve looked at houses, taken a break from looking at houses, and started looking at houses again, I’ve struggled with having hope arise only to plummet in the next breath. We tried buying a few homes to have others out-bid or out-offer us. It’s so hard to not get excited about a home to call our own (we currently rent), to have space for a garden (we’re on a tenth of an acre), and allowed to have chickens (our HOA would not be happy).
When we look at these houses, my husband looks at them as a contractor, home inspector, and property investor. All hats that he wears. He looks at the value of the land, what equity we’ll have available to invest, and what repairs and upgrades will need to be done that could be hiding potential headaches. While he looks at all of that, I look at the potential of making it a home.
How would the home flow with the rhythm of our family? From the ease and comfort of spending time in the kitchen to a cozy spot to read and do some writing, I want to see our life flourishing within those walls.
The timing for finding a house has not been right so far. That’s what goes through my mind, but I absolutely believe that God will bless what we put our hand to. That’s not just for work, but for anything. I absolutely hate math, but I excelled and climbed the ladder pretty quickly when I was working in finance. I’ve never been interested in dentistry or insurance, but I excelled there, too, for the years that I spent in a pediatric dental office. And anyone can have a house, but to make it a home is something entirely different.
Be thankful for what is instead of resenting what is not…
As I was contemplating and praying about all of our house-hunting woes, I started looking into what the Bible says about resentment. I had a pretty good idea already – my husband and I make it a point to have honest communications in an effort to avoid unnecessary hurts that can lead to resentments later. Resentment can destroy relationships and craft small misunderstandings into millstones that will crush our peace and grind our hopes to dust. Not a pretty picture and not what I want.
A commentary I read on resentment compared it to leprosy. Ew! That’s a pretty gross picture, too! In biblical times, this skin issue could become so bad that it disfigured the person with the disease. They weren’t allowed to be around other people (unless those other people were also lepers) and physical touch was out of the question. The disease can bring with it chronic pain and cause nerve damage, making injuries even more dangerous.
I can’t begin to imagine not having a hug each day (I do have a gazillion kiddos) or having my husband embrace me after a long day spent with the gazillion kiddos… and we hold hands when we pray over our meals – we wouldn’t even be able to do that!
The lack of physical touch would be enough to disfigure me, but add to that the ostracization from, well, everyone and everything. It was social distancing on steroids because the leper had to shout ahead that they were approaching so everyone could clear a path. I’m much more an introvert, but I recognize my need for fellowship, family, and community.
Resentment, also known as bitterness, can cause disfigurement as well. All it takes is for a seed to be planted and it can spring up with a word. I’ve had to calm myself down a few times with letting my thoughts run rampant. It’s so easy to let a setback become a wedge in a relationship and all because a seed of bitterness and resentment is allowed to take root (Hebrews 12:15).
Leprosy changes the outward appearance, but resentment changes your heart.
“Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.” Matthew 15:17-19 NIV
How many times have I felt boiling mad because of resentment? A fresh wound calls to mind a past hurt and I start to spiral. How many times have I allowed my anger to grow towards a person because I chose to focus and dwell on my hurt instead of reminding myself that Jesus died for them, too? Just like the way my husband and I look at properties differently and through a different lens, what we say and how we say things can land very differently than we intend.
When my worries seem insignificant to my husband (from my point of view) I have made it a practice to remind myself that he loves me – and then I share my insecurities with him so that it’s all in the light. Then he’s able to recognize how his words land (right or wrong) and can communicate differently the next time.
Resentment of not finding a house in the ridiculous market we seem to constantly be in can tragically turn into my despising my home. It can also suck the joy out of dreaming about the future.
Be thankful for what is instead of resenting what is not…
A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.” Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy. Matthew 8:2-3 NIV
God knows my tendencies, He knows the rollercoaster of emotions I have when it comes to the search for our home (and other areas to be perfectly honest), and He is willing to make me clean. The word we get be clean from also means free from filth. Resentment brings filth and none of us will benefit from letting that take root.
Take time to focus on the blessings in your life and in short order you won’t notice areas of lack. And trust that God is willing to not just free you from the filth, but He’ll reach out and touch your life as well.