Tangled Tinsel

I love this time of year with the Christmas tree decorated, the houses lit up in the neighborhood, and the doors sporting holiday wreaths. Thanksgiving is still my favorite holiday, but I have found that there’s something beautiful about drinking my coffee in the morning, nestled in my chair next to our festive tree. It’s a fake tree, but the candle I burn makes it at least smell real.

We couldn’t seem to agree on the lights this year. Some of the kiddos were voting for the multi-colored lights and the others were wanting the plain white. We came to a compromise and did both. Our tree is lit – literally and figuratively! We have all the first Christmases, the family Christmases, and the handmade ornaments. Some of the handmade ornaments are the supreme Pinterest-gone-right ornaments while others are on the other end of the spectrum if you know what I mean. In previous years we did tinsel. I do not recommend tinsel. Just picture pipe-cleaner-beaded-crafts tangled with silver tinsel, and you’ll have a pretty clear picture of how our unpacking ornaments went.

There are a lot of trees that are award-winning with consistent themes and color schemes. Yeah, we’re not even in the running. There’s been a few years that I looked at a decorated tree at someone else’s house and felt a smidgeon of envy. Everything looked perfectly put together. It flowed and was balanced. It looked magazine-worthy. And then to add insult to self-imposed injury, the house typically belonged to a fellow homeschool mom with toddler-in-tow who seems to gracefully juggle everything while looking amazing. And here I am being proud that I untangled tinsel successfully.

While Christmas decorations from house to house are not supposed to be about who’s is better (or more lit), it has major tendencies to go in that direction. But who is it that sets the bar? This is where I tend to get tangled up in the tinsel (it really is obnoxious stuff!).

Spending my mornings beside our Christmas tree drinking coffee has brought me to some… interesting… thoughts. From the origins of the Christmas tree being straight pagan (I think tinsel is also of the devil) to treasuring the smorgasbord of tangled decorations, this holiday season has brought out some introspective musings. My most prominent introspection lately has been about unconditional love.

For me, the idea of unconditional love is a beautiful thing, but 100% the stuff of fairy tales. Thanks to being raised by humans, having peers who are humans, working and serving with humans, and raising little humans, I have trouble with having a clear picture of what unconditional love looks like. Anyone else? Anyone here believe they are actually worthy of unconditional love?

When I started really thinking this through, I kept catching myself in the same snare – nothing to do with tangled tinsel. Every single time I came up with a scenario of my receiving unconditional love, I found that I was disqualified… and I was the judge. To add insult to my self-made injury, the enemy likes to take those opportunities to further convince me that I’m unworthy of receiving unconditional love – or any kind of love for that matter.

Stemming back to childhood, some of my failings, real or perceived, are the basics: not pretty enough, smart enough, not enough money, and even God would turn His back on me depending on my behavior. Like I said, some of those are perceived and some of those are real. What they have in common is that the feelings of inadequacy were very real and had long-lasting effects.

As an adult, I still have times that I struggle with feelings of inadequacy. My Christmas tree can cause your eyes to bleed, my couch has had to become intimate with Duck Tape (that’s not quite a match), handwriting practice produces tears and eraser dust, my toddler is needing to be potty-trained (but no one is volunteering), and I question my calling every single day. I’m disqualified in every area… according to me and most of the world.

Do I only believe I’m worthy when I do well, when I win, look just right, perform just right and have everything right where and how it’s supposed to be? If I’m measuring my worthiness this way, is this the way I deem the worthiness of others?

For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous person; though perhaps for the good person someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8 NASB

While we were in our mess – still fighting the knotted tinsel – He saw us as being worthy of love. One of my Christmas-tree-coffee moments had me realizing that we did not come up with unconditional love – God did. God created unconditional love and He created us for receiving unconditional love.

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is the prodigal son. His story is found in Luke 15:11-32. He was a mess, yet his father ran out to greet him. He probably smelled of dung, yet his father embraced him. He had squandered all of his inheritance, yet his father put a ring on his hand. Before he had a chance to step foot in the home, his father covered him with a coat. The father’s love for his son was not conditional.

For decades, when I tried to approach God after messing up, I was always hesitant. What if I had gone too far? What if, because I had messed up in the same way as I had before, God decided to ignore me? I would come, pleading and trying to make promises (that I would never be able to keep) just so I could have a chance of eventually ending up in Heaven.

The father of the prodigal son didn’t even pay attention to pleading or the promises. The son was so focused on his unworthiness. Instead, the father made the restoration process a fast one. It was probably a whirlwind of a moment for the son, don’t you think? One minute he was penniless, homeless, shoeless, hungry, and probably more than a bit dirty. He was expecting and prepared for conditional love – like what he had experienced with his wild living. But his father showed him love without condition.

Like the prodigal, we tend to operate in conditional. We relate with others through conditional. But God, throughout the Word, is pointing us towards unconditional. He’s wanting us out of the tinsel that’s tangled all around us – even the tinsel we thought was a good thing can actually be the very thing that chokes us.

The plan of our redemption, referred to in about 300 prophesies, was rooted in unconditional love. Jesus being born and fulfilling every prophesy made regarding our redemption reinforces the truth of His unconditional love for us. Jesus taking our guilt, healing our diseases, rescuing us from the pit, and crowning us with favor and compassion is unconditional love in action (Psalm 103).

This is what has been my morning-musing lately as I enjoy trying to look directly at our Christmas tree – all of the areas that I need to let unconditional take over. Especially the areas that I show conditional love to myself. So I’ll keep cracking open my Bible, drinking my coffee of course, and letting Him untangle the tinsel in my life – the areas that I still see myself as unworthy.