Have you ever heard someone say that God will never let you down? This is a sentiment that is both true and false at the same time. God will never let you down because He is God, He is good, and as His kiddo, well, scripture says that He cannot deny Himself (II Timothy 2:13). When God makes a promise, it will never be broken (Numbers 23:19, Psalm 89:34, Isaiah 40:8, Hebrews 1:3). One of His many promises is that He will never leave us, fail us, or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). It is absolutely true that God will never let you down. So how can something that is absolutely true also be considered false?
That brings us to human expectation.
My husband and I had been married for just under a year when we decided to start trying for a baby. We had been steeped in growing our relationship with God for a couple years as we grew together as a couple – learning about His character, the power of His redemption, all that was included in our redemption… needless to say, we were excited about God! I remember thinking – and we both commented several times – that we wished we had understood more of God’s grace sooner.
We never expected trouble, but our first two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. One of those pregnancies was twins (an adventure we had both been hoping and praying for). To say that we were upset would be an understatement. I wish I could tell you that I turned to God during that dark time, but instead I turned on God. I was angry, hurt, I felt betrayed, and I felt as though I had been duped. I had expectations that did not come through.
I felt that God had let me down. I thought I had surrendered to Him the helm of my ship, and He had allowed me to be thrown overboard. I know I’m not alone in this. There are others out there who have prayed for a desired outcome and have been delivered a painful blow instead. We’ve trusted and we’ve been hurt.
While I don’t have the answers that so many of us think we want, I can say with absolute assurance that any painful blow ever delivered was not delivered by God. That is where I find myself. That’s the extent of the strength of my faith.
When we lost our babies, I didn’t believe that God had caused the miscarriages. I knew Him to be the bringer of life and not death (John 10:10), but I was angry because He had allowed them. My expectation was that God would never let me down – that I wouldn’t suffer those kinds of losses. My expectation; my plan. But God sees and knows all.
When I wrote my first children’s book, Caterpillar in a Cornfield, I was in the throes of learning to trust God’s plans over my own. I was still mourning the loss of those pregnancies and fighting depression. I remember getting a stanza in my head while watching a movie, so I paused it and started writing. The part that most of us struggle with in life – what my book presents – is that we know He has a plan for us, the Bible tells us that it’s a good plan (Jeremiah 29:11), but we just don’t know what it is.
And that part of not knowing can be terrifying.
The point that I made in my post last week, He’s That Good, is that we’re called to seek His faithfulness, His righteousness, and as we trust Him, all of the things we worry about will become non-issues… because He’s that good. Not knowing the plans He has for us will not be a point of fear or frustration, but rather we’ll be at peace because we can trust that He is God and that He is good. Still not knowing but having peace.
I wish I could tell you that I have this figured out. I wish I could tell you that I’m currently walking this out as I’ve grown in my relationship with God. But even after 14 years and 4 healthy children after the back-to-back miscarriages, I still struggle with questions. I’m often overwhelmed with questions with the loss of loved ones, seasons of upheaval, having to navigate health issues, and feelings of so much uncertainty with what the future holds. I’m still struggling.
When I read the story about Joseph and his life of so much uncertainty, I wonder if he ever had those moments of feeling overwhelmed… those moments of questioning. Do you remember Joseph’s story?
He was almost killed by his brothers but sold into slavery instead (Genesis 37:18-36). A pretty harsh blow… a very personal blow. But God’s favor was on him, so he was successful even as a slave. The man who bought Joseph (Potiphar) recognized this and put him in charge of everything he owned (Genesis 39:1-6) and everything that Joseph was part of prospered.
Then Potiphar’s wife happened. She wanted Joseph and she wanted him to want her. Joseph, however, saw it to be evil and called it as much. He refused her time after time after time – and then she decided to try to ruin Joseph. Potiphar listened to the lies his wife told him about Joseph and had him thrown into prison (Genesis 39:7-20). Joseph did the right thing, but all of his prestige was stripped from him, and he was thrown into prison. Feeling discouraged doesn’t seem accurate enough.
But even in prison, the Lord was with him and everything he touched, you guessed it, prospered (Genesis 39:21-23). Some dream interpretations for other prisoners later, Joseph is brought before Pharaoh to interpret another dream – and God is with him and giving him favor in the eyes of Pharaoh (Genesis 40-41:1-38). Because of the Lord’s favor on Joseph, Pharaoh puts him as second in command over all of Egypt (Genesis 41:39-45)!
Did Joseph ever complain? Did he ever ask Why, God? Why? Did he shed tears over the betrayal of his own brothers? Did he cry as he traveled to Egypt? Did he ever question God when he sat in prison? Scripture doesn’t share that he played the victim or ever faltered in his faith.
As Christians, we always hear that we need to try to be more like Jesus, but I think we could all benefit by trying to be more like Joseph! I think we’re so often feeling discouraged and disappointed because we have a very specific expectation of our future, but God’s plans don’t always line up accordingly. We have an expectation for what we see as good, but God actually has something better.
With the loss of life, health issues, uncertainties… you name the heartache or struggle… God knows that we hurt over them. He understands and is right there with us in the cistern, the slave caravan, and the prison. But we need to turn to Him, not on Him. God’s not just with us in the palace, but He’s also with us in the pits (that line is from Brandon Lake’s song Plans). Perhaps that’s what Joseph recognized. The best way for us to trust Him and the plans of good that He has for us is to seek Him (Matthew 6:33).
If you find that you’re struggling right now with uncertainties, plans that have unraveled, or immeasurable loss, know that you’re not alone. Just like with Joseph, God is always with you, and His plans are always for your good. It’s one of His promises to us (Jeremiah 29:11).
God’s plans for us include receiving grace and mercy and to have good things, joy, and peace (Isaiah 55). He intends for us to be as Jesus is – as He is right now – in this life (I John 4:17). He promises that His covenant of blessing will never be broken (Isaiah 54:9-10). And no matter the uncertainty of what the future holds, He will be with us and carry us through to the other side (Isaiah 43:2).
God knows we struggle with trusting Him, but He is ever so patient. He’s right there with you and understands all the hurts. By turning to Him instead of turning on Him, we may just see His plans take shape before our eyes. And it’s going to be so, so good.