I recently went through a week of being sick. It was the standard sinus issues with an emphasis on miserable. I felt like I had medicine head even though I hadn’t taken anything, and not being able to breathe meant that sleep was just wishful thinking. Many have gone through similar; lay on one side to open up one sinus passage, just to have the other clog up instead. Then the side-to-side-shuffle that rarely works but we’re too desperate not to try: lay on one side until the exact moment that a little air comes through one sinus passage, but before the other can clog up, you switch to your back and hope that you fooled your own body. I’m a wife, a mother of four children (one is still potty-training), and I don’t have time to be sick.
I finally caved and took some medicine, but it was barely helping me function because sleep was still an issue. I also turned to essential oils, cough drops, hot tea, cough drops in the hot tea (it’s really helpful and tastes pretty good, too), and even went without talking. As much as I wanted some of my chicken soup, I didn’t want to make it (no energy). I didn’t have enough of an appetite to direct anyone on how to make it. I was just M I S E R A B L E. There’s a joke about how men are such big babies when they’re sick, and it’s true… but women are, too. The difference isn’t just how we handle the sickness but also how we’re naturally geared.
Women (I can really only speak for myself here) are predominately geared to nurture and comfort. This means, when my husband (kids, too) is sick, I do everything I can to help him get back to feeling better. Extra pillow? Cold compress? Heating pad? Take some of this medicine. Here, drink some water. Let me make you my homemade Chicken Basil Pesto soup. Need another blanket? All of this tends to sound like he’s especially needy, doesn’t it? In reality, he doesn’t ask me to do anything for him. But I’m geared to nurture and comfort.
When I’m sick, I try to suck it up and still do my part (just like my husband does). The difference is that he’s not geared to nurture and comfort the way I am. It’s not his natural instinct. I remember when I was in high school and I got the stomach flu. It was the first time I was really sick that my mom wasn’t there. My parents were separated, we weren’t even in the same time zone, and my dad was really trying. He made me some chicken broth (I think? I was really sick.) but before he even carried the bowl out of the kitchen, I was running for the bathroom. Just the smell of the broth gave me the urge to vomit! I’m sure he felt ill-equipped and in over his head, and I was just M I S E R A B L E.
My husband tells me every time that I’m sick that he’s sorry, and that he wishes he knew how to help me. My dad tried as well with the chicken broth. All too often, we have expectations placed on people that are completely unfair to them and even to us. It’s absolutely wrong to expect a mother to be the all-encompassing parental figure of both the mother and father role (and vice versa). Likewise, for me to expect my husband to do what I would do (exactly how I would do it) is completely unfair! In the end, we feel as though we were shortchanged and the person trying to be the hero, even though they’re out of their element, is left feeling like a failure.
I’ve gone through quite a bit of getting to know God over the last 12 years. I went from a position of almost defiance – show me who you really are, because if you’re so good, I haven’t seen it! – to a position of disbelief – how can people not see just how good You are? God doesn’t hide from us or fail us, but all too often we don’t see Him because we’re looking to other things or people and we tend to see what we lack. We may see our traditional 9-5 job as our provider (and we always need a raise), our physical health wanes so we rush to the doctor or we check our symptoms online, or we turn to self-help books when we can’t help ourselves (the Bible usually not even thought of). All of these things and people are going to fail us in some way because they aren’t God.
In many cases, we hold tight to our doctrines instead of God’s Word. We listen to advice from well-meaning friends instead of God’s voice. We disregard the nudges of the Holy Spirit because it doesn’t line up with what our earthly senses are signaling to us. We’re instructed to trust that God is going to take care of us, provide for us, and protect us (Matthew 6:25-34). The problem is that we have trouble trusting God to do these things when we don’t even know what it is we have need of.
When Jesus instructed us how to pray, He said, “And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like the pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” Matthew 6:7-8 (NIV) You don’t have to go into long explanations of what you need, why you need it, and how you need it. God knows what you need, what will best fill your need, and the best way for you to receive it. There are many times that we don’t even know that we’ve been given anything. He knows what we need better than we do!
When I was a kid, my grandparents (Nana and Granddad) would schedule their visits at just the right time of year – my brother and I would be in need of new shoes. They would come for a visit and want to go shopping – “Oh, let us take care of that…”. Or when we were able to make the trip to see them, they would take us shopping – “Oh, let us! We don’t get to do this very often…”. If they weren’t able to come for a visit, they would decide to “randomly” send money – and it always turned out to be the exact amount to fill the need. “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)
We see throughout the Old Testament, even in the midst of disobedience, God took care of His children. He provided freedom from slavery, He provided provision even in the desert, He provided victories in the face of overwhelming odds, and He went on the provide the sacrificial Lamb to pay for our ransom. “I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron.” Isaiah 45:2 (NIV) He’s not just going to cut out an easier path, He’s going to bring the mountains down. He’s not just going to save our souls; He’s going to cut our shackles off so we’re free of addictions, too. We can’t get it right, so He’s going to do it perfectly for us.
As humans, we can try to do things on our own. We can attempt to care for someone in our own strength and we may get it right once in a while. More often than not, though, we’re going to fall short. When we catch a glimpse of God’s goodness, when we focus on all that has been provided by Him, we start trusting Him. All of the times that a door opens for us, a door closes, an abundance is provided in advance of a season of leanness – that’s God.
There are times that we seem to have a very short memory. How often did the disciples witness, firsthand, a miracle – like when Jesus fed the 5,000 – and in the next moment became overwhelmed with doubt concerning provision and protection? They were always with Jesus, listened to His words and teachings, witnessed impossibilities become realities, yet they still doubted. It’s natural for us to doubt, but I don’t want the natural. Let’s strive to live a life of faith. Not just holding the mustard seed (Matthew 17:20), but cultivating that seed into growth.
As we get to know God, as we grow the relationship, through reading His Word and through conversation (that’s prayer – and it’s a two-way conversation – God likes to talk to us, too), our little mustard seed of faith is going to grow with strong roots firmly in place. I challenge you to look for the ways that God has come through for you; they’re not too hard to find. As you begin to recognize His constant goodness and provision, His unfathomable grace, your mustard seed of faith is going to have an explosion of growth. We’ll be able to discern the nudges from the Holy Spirit, we’ll see the manna in the desert, and we’ll see our enemies fall to the side. And in the end we’ll boldly approach His throne, throwing our arms around His neck because He paid the price for our redemption.