Facebook is a great reminder of how things have changed. Sometimes, when I open the app, the first thing I see is a memory from some years past. I love seeing the baby faces of my kiddos smiling at me in those memories. Chubby cheeks, drool, and crooked smiles are always favorites. They’ve changed, they’ve grown, they’ve matured. They went from dressing in neon rainbow stripes with red and white plaid to actually matching! From jack-o-lantern smiles to wisdom teeth removal, a toddling 2-year-old to their wedding day – things have most certainly changed!
I was looking through some of these pictures, these memories, and paused a moment on one from our own wedding day. We were both in our late twenties, but looking at the pictures, I see how we were such babies! We’re definitely not the same people today that we were back then. See, it wasn’t the physical differences that jumped off the screen at me, but the changes not captured on camera.
Our emotional and spiritual maturity can be measured by how we respond to the difficulties we face in life. When my hubby and I got married, I thought we were good. No growth needed. That was said by the woman-child who grew jealous of the bond that formed between her husband and their daughter, had resentment take root in her years of working while also running the household, and eventually turned to alcohol to escape. I was married and fully selfish – not a winning combo.
As I look back on those early years of our marriage, I’ve come to realize that I was also pushing the envelope… on purpose. I had been rejected – or so I felt – by many other people in my life. Going through my teen and young adult years, due to my own choices, I didn’t have anyone cheering me on. It was a tough love that I took as abandonment. I had a father on one side of the country, a mother on a completely different continent, and I was told to figure it out, just not with them.
I was definitely pushing the envelope with my husband. I figured that he, too, would eventually leave me to figure it out, just not with him. In my infinite wisdom, I had concluded that we just needed to get to that point faster. Instead of letting the envelope get pushed past the breaking point, he took hold of it and told me that whether I kept pushing or decided to stop pushing, he would continue to love me. He modeled grace.
For anyone out there who doesn’t know but is chomping at the bit for the juicy details, there was no infidelity, so sorry. That’s a line I refused to consider looking at. Instead, I was sneaking around with drinking and smoking. Not that one lie is less bad than another, but I figured I should set the record straight on the type of envelope I was pushing. But my husband didn’t respond the way I expected (and feared) at all. It’s something that I appreciate more than I can express.
He could have screamed, yelled, and even cussed at me – but he didn’t. Now he didn’t always respond perfectly. There was one time that he says he lashed out with a sarcastic, cutting comment, but I was under the influence of too much vodka to remember. He recalls that he immediately regretted it because it didn’t make a difference and the self-satisfaction was just that – all about self. There is no self when fighting for a marriage.
He decided that he would still love me and wouldn’t leave me.
My husband is far from perfect – please know that he has faults, we all do! But he chose to listen to God. He chose to try it God’s way instead of his own way. His own way would have proved how right he was and how wrong I was, but God kept telling him that he was being selfish. My nose could have been thoroughly rubbed in the results of the mess I had been making. But God told Him to put self aside. He would still love me and wouldn’t leave me. God would still love me, too, and would never leave me.
While my husband is definitely not perfect (3rd time I’ve said that – he really is a great guy), Jesus, on the other hand, perfectly demonstrated perfection. He saw the mess of the entire world and all those in it from the beginning of time to the end – all that would accept Him and all that would arrogantly reject Him – and He put self aside. He decided that whether we accepted Him or rejected Him, that He would still make the ultimate sacrifice.
Have you noticed that we still tend to focus on our mess-ups? I was an alcoholic for several years, but I don’t refer to myself as an alcoholic anymore – because that’s not what or who I am! It took a single act of disobedience to plunge all of mankind into sin and it took a single act of obedience for all to have the option of receiving God’s gift of righteousness (Romans 5:19).
While I was an alcoholic, there were many times that I was sober and many times that I chose to do the right thing and not drink. But I was still an alcoholic. Before I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior (when I was a sinner), I did good things. I gave to the church, I showed kindness to people, I didn’t cuss, and I was generally a good person – but I was still a sinner. I was still lost when it came to my eternal destination, and I would never find the way to being righteous on my own.
Since I became a Christian, I’ve messed up (Hello? I was an alcoholic for crying out loud!). I lied to my husband by sneaking around with drinking and smoking, I haven’t always been patient or kind to my kiddos, and I’m sure there are many other ways that I’ve sinned – while being a Christian. But I was still righteous – and still am righteous. This might blow some religious minds, but even while I was a fall-down drunk, I was still righteous!
And the result of God’s gracious gift is very different from the result of that one man’s sin. For Adam’s sin led to condemnation, but God’s free gift leads to our being made right with God, even though we are guilty of many sins. For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ. Yes, Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone. Because one person disobeyed God, many became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many will be made righteous. Romans 5:16-19 NLT
This passage seems a bit redundant, kind of like we would need to hear the same thing in slightly different ways 4 different times. Why is it that we elevate Adam’s disobedience above the power of Jesus’ sacrifice? We look at all of the flaws in the photos instead of the beauty. But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness…
If I were to look at a picture of me as a baby Christian and a picture of me now, I would see significant changes. I would see how I felt guilty and condemned each time I sinned. I would see the progression of being naive to being hard-hearted and walking away from the church. I would see how I started seeking a relationship with God instead of religion. I would see how I still fell short and chose to drink instead of trust. And I would see how I still don’t get it right, but I’ve fallen in love with my Savior, accepted God’s grace, and trust God’s Word when it tells me there is now no more condemnation for any who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).
Sin is not good for you, and I am not an advocate for living in sin. It’s not God’s best for you. But it’s time we stop elevating sin above Jesus’ sacrifice. Adam knew what it meant to disobey God – He was not deceived (see my post Loved Like Eve). Jesus knew what it meant to obey God and He still chose the cross… All so we could be in right standing with God.
It’s time to grow and mature. Imagine how amazing it will be to see the physical changes when you go from living in bondage to living free.