My kiddos keep me on my toes. And that’s a pretty difficult position to be in for great lengths of time when I’m looking at 8 months of pregnancy on the near horizon. Apparently, humor is difficult for me, too, but I can’t blame the pregnancy. Sometimes, with my kiddos, I can only shake my head in wonder and disbelief at the shear ignorance of their decision-making process. Does anyone else know what I’m talking about? No sense of time-management, not much in regards to cause and effect, and what exactly is logic?
I’m not very good at delegating. It’s the perfectionist in me that wants things done a certain way at a certain time and to a certain extent. If there are greasy dishes to be washed, I don’t want to have someone else wash them and later find “clean” dishes in the cupboard that are still sporting a sheen of grease. It’s the mentality that I can get it done right, and I don’t want to run the risk of letting others do it wrong – because they will do it wrong. I have to make sure it’s done right and the only way to do it is to do it myself. It’s horrible to think this way when trying to train children – my husband usually has to put them to work on some projects because I tend to take over and just get it done right the first time.
This all sounds horrible, but I wanted to paint the picture of where I started so that you can fully appreciate the strides I’ve made in the last year (don’t mock – I’m just a slow learner). Now our kiddos are expected to (and held to) putting their dirty dishes in the dishwasher. They also have the job of putting the clean dishes away (sometimes drying them!). These tasks have been added to what I relinquished before: putting their clean clothes away, picking up after themselves, etc. We also give them tasks as they come up, but you get the gist.
With the kiddos unloading the dishwasher, sometimes there are dishes that do not get fully dried by the amazing machine (invented by Josephine Cochran in 1886), so they are required to dry them by hand. I’ve tried to explain that they should unload the bottom rack and then the top rack – then nothing from the top being unloaded will drip on the bottom rack dishes. Makes sense, right? In the movie, Annie, when she arrives at Mr. Warbucks’ mansion, she’s given a grand tour filled with dancing and singing. She’s then asked what she would like to do first. Annie thinks this over for a brief moment and says, “The windows, then the floors. Then if I drip it won’t matter.” If you know how to manage your time, you’ll have more of it. I was trained to work smart, not hard. Same concept. As a parent (especially one like me), it is so frustrating to explain this and be met with blank looks of confusion.
Years ago, a quote about ignorance being bliss started growing in popularity. When it comes to our kiddos and their knowledge of cleaning, ignorance is definitely not bliss. Not knowing how to best do something has landed them with more work (drying dishes that were already dry but that got dripped on). Another prime example is when they sweep the floor and then wipe the table and counters. They end up having to sweep the floor again. This isn’t an issue of them being sloppy, but it is an issue of them being ignorant. They are in the process of being taught certain life skills that will later be applied to other important life skills, but as it stands, they are ignorant to certain things.
As parents, we have decided to not teach certain things to our kiddos right now. Our 4 year old is great at putting the silverware and cooking utensils away, but we want her to have a solid foundation before allowing her to put away the steak, filet, and paring knives. As Christian parents, we have decided to teach a solid foundation of God’s awesomeness, grace, goodness, and love – the New Covenant – so that our kiddos will be able to view and handle the Old Covenant correctly.
I grew up learning the Big Ten (the Ten Commandments). I heard sermons and Sunday school lessons about how just thinking that I hated someone meant that I committed murder. Just thinking about wanting something that someone else had meant that I was coveting. Having even a fleeting desire for someone who I wasn’t married to meant that I was an adulterer. What a horrible, despicable being! Even if I never broke all the rules, if I broke one (even if only in my mind), then I was guilty of them all. That’s a lot of sharp knives for a child to be expected to handle safely. I found myself with a lot of cuts.
“He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant – not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” II Corinthians 3:6 (NIV)
I questioned what the point was in being a Christian if we were doomed to fail in this life. Sure, we get eternity, but until we get there, I was feeling the crushing weight of guilt, condemnation, unworthiness and utter failure. I had no desire to go through life trying – and failing – to measure up. I kept trying and failing to handle the sharp knives, but is that really what God wants for His kiddos? I was experiencing a slow, spiritual death. I finally decided that since I couldn’t handle the knives, I wouldn’t have anything to do with the other dishes either.
“Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, transitory though it was, will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? If the ministry that brought condemnation was glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. And if what was transitory came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!” II Corinthians 3:7-11 (NIV)
I don’t want my kiddos to have a foundation of death, but rather I want my kiddos to have a firm understanding, a firm foundation, of the ministry that brings righteousness. The teaching of death (teaching the Law) has had moments of glory. I remember hearing the quote of “Turn or burn – get right tonight!” In regards to revivals that took place throughout the world. Even though it’s meant to be a catchy phrase, it’s still a threat, and threats hold power for only so long – eventually, the one held captive will stop fearing the threat. The ministry that brings righteousness is so much greater – far more superior (far more glorious) than the ministry of the Law.
“From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.” John 1:16-17 (NIV)
The Law is holy and righteous, but can never make anyone holy or righteous. Teaching the Law will never make anyone lawful. The Law was never meant to save us, but to expose our unrighteousness. The Law requires absolute righteousness (Romans 8:3-4). Under the covenant of grace, righteousness is provided as a gift (Romans 5:17). Under the Law, the guilty are punished, even through multiple generations (Exodus 34:6-7). Under grace, God forgives and remembers our sins no more (Romans 8:12). The Law condemns the best of us (Romans 3:10-20), while grace saves the worst of us (Titus 3:5). Under the Law, the unclean make the clean to be unclean (Leviticus 13:45-46). Under grace, the Clean makes the unclean to be clean (Matthew 8:1-4).
I heard the story of the new wine put into the old wineskin when I was a child. This is from Mark 2:22. Jesus is explaining that you don’t mix the new with the old. If you do, you lose both. You don’t mix Grace with the Law. While it’s considered normal to preach against sin, how much more effective is it to preach God’s love? Instead of proclaiming how rotten we are, why not get excited about how awesome He is? Just like with the wine, the two messages cannot be mixed! He is awesome because of what He did! He’s not awesome because of us – He is awesome because He is our God Almighty! This is the message for my kiddos. This is the message I want my life to be about.
I’m becoming more and more grateful for my kiddos in their efforts to help out more around the house. Loading and unloading dishes from the dishwasher is a small, but appreciated task that I don’t have to fret over. In time, they will each reach a point in which they will handle the knives responsibly, at some point they will do their own laundry, and they’ll even get to the point of cooking meals for the family. But the foundation is key for their future success – just like the glorious ministry of righteousness is the foundational key for living a triumphant life.