“Kids these days…” You’ve probably heard that phrase said with disgust. As a mother of 4, I can tell you that each child is different and each parent is different. As a wife to a solid Christian man (and oh-so-handsome), everyone has different experiences and perspectives in regards to how they were parented and their approach to different parenting situations. I don’t have a whole lot to draw from in my teenage years (divorce messes a lot of things up). I rebelled, I thumbed my nose at authority (not-always too respectfully), and if my teen were doing what I did at her age, I think I would have to be admitted. Ken (that oh-so-handsome guy I mentioned), has a lot more to draw from, and he made way better choices than I did back then.
Kids these days… often have an overabundance that is completely unnecessary. Parents have this crazy idea that their kids need to have the things they weren’t able to have (because of finances or parental preferences). Example, I wasn’t allowed to have Barbie dolls growing up because of my parents’ preferences. There were other things that we weren’t able to have due to religious beliefs or lack in finances. We never had the latest video game system, and we didn’t get to go out to the movies often at all. When we did go, it was usually one of the $1 showings, and we very rarely went out to eat. There was a stretch of time when we did splurge on ICEEs at a local gas station, but that’s because they were only 10¢ each on certain days.
Kids these days… often have so many extra-curricular activities that they have no time to play independently or unsupervised. Team sports, dance lessons, music lessons, and more (which are all good in their own right – within moderation) have taken over important play time. Previous generations were able to learn from this formative, unsupervised time and were able to grow to make thoughtful decisions. Being able to navigate through social issues is something we’re seeing a lack in. Not just social obstacle navigation, but also a serious lack in accountability. Our kids spill a drink and instead of having them clean it up, we swoop in and do it ourselves.
Kids these days… often have things done for them: toys picked up, books neatly shelved, clothes washed and put away, a house cleaned for them, food prepped and served for them, and KP duty – what is that? Many days, we’re too tired or have such little time to spend teaching our children important skills that we just do it for them; it’s easier and faster in that moment in time. Instead of being the teacher, we’ve gradually shifted roles and become the fixer. How often do we make phone calls or write a note to “fix” problems at school, whether they’re issues between other students, or making excuses for poor performance in the classroom? “Bobby didn’t get his project done because he was out late at his team practice. I know he had two weeks to get the project done, but I expect you to excuse him and give him more time.”
Kids these days… many are graduating high school with little to no direction for their future. They have big dreams, but no plan on how to reach them, and some don’t even know how to make a viable plan. They’ve had too many instances of their day-to-day being planned for them; they have their problems being fixed without them being part of the process. Now we have high percentages of young adults in counseling because they have no idea how to problem solve and effectively process their emotions. Yet we expect them to go forth in the world, making wise decisions and being productive.
It was shortly after the 70’s that a gradual shift started. Now, I’m an 80’s kid and have fond memories (and some terrifying – how did I not die?) of my childhood. Many have read the memes about drinking out of the hose, staying out till the streetlights came on, playground equipment full of lead paint and metal slides (I swear those metal slides could cause 3rd degree burns!), and we had no adults or cell phones with us. If we got hurt, we either sucked it up and kept playing, limped home, or someone ran for help. Ramps were built by fellow kids who couldn’t even spell the word “engineering”, and we honestly believed that we could defy gravity – it was a law which meant it needed to be broken.
I was a 13-year-old making money by babysitting non-sibling newborns, my brother had a list of people he would cut the grass for, and others our age would be responsible for taking care of someone’s dog. We spoke to adults respectfully, saying “Sir” and “Ma’am”, called them Mr. and Mrs. – using their last name; not their first name. It was never Mr. Ken… It was Mr. Brubaker. Never Miss Alisha… It was Mrs. Brubaker. Sure, we had times of not being so respectful (perhaps an eye-roll behind someone’s back – and my brother was notorious for having a “tone”), but the respectful responses is a practice that stayed with us into adulthood.
“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6
“Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.” Proverbs 29:17
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” Proverbs 23:13-14
“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15
All four of these scriptures were written by King Solomon. He is referred to as a king of great wisdom; wisdom he asked God for. Now, a lot of people will bristle at the words “rod” and “discipline” but I encourage you to continue reading with an open mind. The Bible has a way of being able to connect with every generation since it was written, so perhaps there’s a few truths we can agree on.
The first passage always makes me chuckle because it fits my life perfectly. I grew up in the church. I memorized scripture that I didn’t fully understand. I went to a Christian school that ended up going through a nasty split. I’m the daughter of a pastor, the step-daughter of a retired Chaplain (military pastor), the granddaughter of a pastor (dancing in Heaven since 2009), and a granddaughter of a church deacon. I spent my Sundays at church, Wednesday nights at church, and summers at church camp. Then I hit 16 and did everything I could to avoid church because there were so many rules that I could never keep track of them all.
I started searching out God when I had gotten tired of experiencing failure after failure as a result of following the “wisdom” of the world. I had always been told that I should trust God, but I wanted to know why. I wanted to know what kind of God I was created by and created to worship. I wanted to know what it meant when people would say, “God is good.” It has been a journey where I’ve found need to shed some old doctrines, take hold of some everlasting truths I’d heard but never accepted, and worship a God who paid it all because He loved me regardless of “rule-keeping.”
As parents, we are charged by God to bring our kids up in the way they should go. The world tells us that we need to keep them safe, provide for their needs, and to protect them (not always in that order). Do we think that God doesn’t want those things for His kids? Whose opinions and methods are we putting a higher emphasis on? Are we trusting human wisdom and opinions over God’s? Do we think the world loves our kids more than the One who knit them together? Psalm 139 tells us how well God knows us, that He knows when we come and go, He knows our thoughts and the number of our days, and there is nowhere we can go where He won’t find us – not even darkness (all our sins). “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV)
I’ve been studying out the Holy Communion and something I read pointed out that there’s difference in God’s role in creation and redemption. With creation, God spoke. The world, living and breathing, was spoken into existence. Just words. There’s a lot of power in words! For redemption, though, God had to bleed. How much more power is in the blood of Jesus? If He went that distance… a brutal death on the cross, why do we doubt that He knows what’s best for us and our kids? We couldn’t save ourselves from eternal separation from our Creator, but we trust ourselves more than Him when it comes to earthly struggles?
How often do we get a negative report from the doctor and seek multiple opinions from more doctors instead of finding out what God says (Isaiah 53:4-5)? We fret and worry over provision and success in our careers, but what does God say about it (Deuteronomy 28:1-13)? We worry over being safe from enemies, foreign and domestic (Psalm 91). What about when our kids act out? We’re told that discipline, even telling our kids “No,” is detrimental to their mental well-being and development… but what does God say (reread the Proverbs passages listed above)?
Often, when I say that God is a good God (I’ve become a broken record), I feel like I’m seriously shortchanging Him; not giving Him enough credit. My mind simply cannot comprehend all that God can be and do – that’s why I need to trust Him instead of my own understanding. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) God is good; let’s allow Him to show that to us by running to Him instead of leaning on ourselves. Our kids (and our own sanity) will appreciate it.