In That Moment

There have been many moments of life that I can easily see, “Yep, that was pivotal…” or in other words, “That moment had a huge impact on who I am today…” Do you have one that comes to mind? Several of them? Some are fairly obvious while others come back to our attention years later. I recognize, now, that a great deal of heartache was avoided by my going on a mission trip as a teen instead of staying home while my parents’ marriage crumbled. Another moment – I walked away from a relationship that I had learned to lean on (but it was an unhealthy relationship). Then, when I was far from deserving it (aren’t we always undeserving?), I had someone extend grace to me and it opened my eyes to see even more of God’s radical goodness.

Goodness. That word doesn’t even come close to describing God. As a writer, it’s hard to come to grips with not having a single word or grouping of words that can come close to describing the One I’m blessed to call Father. Have you ever had one of those moments when you really tried to understand how much God loves you?

We recently watched “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood,” a movie about Mr. Rogers. Definitely recommend, but be warned: it’s a movie that will probably yield an emotional response. That’s the only way I can describe it. I didn’t cry. I didn’t even get misty, but I just felt full of emotion. Lloyd Vogel, one of the main characters, is battling issues of sadness, anger, and unforgiveness. A heavy load that I’m sure many of us can say we’ve attempted to carry on our own (and may still be attempting). Mr. Rogers, through his extreme patience and keen insight, managed to help dig up those roots of poison so they could be dealt with. He (Mr. Rogers) asked for a favor: that they take a full minute to be silent and to think about all the people that had helped and loved along the way in shaping who they were at that moment, even the person Lloyd had been so hurt by. That was it. He chose, and was purposeful, in what he focused on for that moment of silence – and it shifted his perspective.

I’ve had some interesting moments over the last several months. I’ve traveled through Vietnam, relaxed in Thailand, and I’ve experienced emotions on each end of the spectrum before, during, and after returning home. My youngest child became potty-trained and my eldest got engaged. Perhaps there needs to be a moment of introspection in order to understand and garner some truths in how I should define my emotions. Some of the greatest moments of clarity come when we purposefully dig deeper. I’ve found myself opting for silence instead of wise-sounding words, praying instead of sleeping, and absence from writing in an effort to curb preaching with pointed fingers. As I said before, I’ve had some interesting moments.

If I’m completely honest, I’ve been struggling. A lot. Living in Alaska, the especially long seasonal darkness has started to take it’s toll on me – it’s been almost ten years living here. I’ve been going through the motions of everyday moments, trying to hold on to my miniscule understanding of my identity as God’s favorite daughter. I would remind myself everyday that Jesus died for me and if it had been only me, He still would have chosen the cross. But I still felt like I was enveloped in a dense fog. That was before our trip to southeast Asia and being reintroduced to natural, warm sunshine.

I’ve come to recognize that seasonal depression is real, but I also firmly hold to this truth: no matter how we feel or what we are faced with, we always have a choice. We can choose life and to live it to the fullest, or we can choose to stay shrouded in sorrow. We can choose to do the easy thing, or we can choose to push ourselves. I read a story once about a prisoner, sentenced to death, who won the favor of the king by answering some questions correctly and wisely. The king still would not grant his pardon, but decided the condemned could choose how he would die. The prisoner, in this moment with his life hanging in the balance, chose his manner of death: old age.

That is God’s desire for us. He wants us to live. Deuteronomy 30:19-20 tells us that God gave us a choice – “…I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life…” Why? “so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.” (NIV)

We can choose life or death, blessings or curses. When the King asks what your choice is, in that moment – the moment – what will you choose? Can we even wrap our head around what God means when He talks about choosing life? It’s pretty easy to imagine death and curses – we don’t typically go around trying our hardest to ignore that we feel healthy, but we do focus a lot of attention on ignoring a headache or a pinched nerve. So when God is offering us life and blessings, can we even get close to getting a clear picture?

“Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits – who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.” Psalm 103:2-5 (NIV)

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:10-13 (NIV)

I get to choose – that’s freedom in the love of God. I get to choose life or death. Sometimes choosing life means keeping quiet, spending more time in prayer than normal, and taking moments to remember the One who has helped us and loved us with an everlasting love – who has given from the fullness of His grace, blessing after blessing (John 1:16) and true to the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding (Ephesians 1:7-8).

What choices do you have weighing you down? Take your moment, several moments if needed, reflecting on what you’ve been lavished with (I just love how Paul wrote that). In the light of His goodness and grace (yes, it’s a song), the choices we have to make will become easier.