It always seems to be at this time of year that I spend a lot of time thinking about my high school days. Anyone else? Everywhere I turn there’s someone I know who is graduating, has a child or grandchild that is graduating, or is gearing up for their final summer before their senior year. Even the dance studio our girls dance with took time to honor the seniors.
There’s a lot from my high school years that I wish I could have a do-over for. The pressure I felt in high school was intense and it had nothing to do with the curriculum. There are plenty of choices I made that had a more than direct correlation to the years of struggle I went through… and the enemy still brings them to the forefront of my mind… not to entertain me, but to try to shame and condemn me.
I’ve found that my faith requires a consistent realignment in order to walk in victory… and it’s been a while since my last one.
I spent some time reading through some of my older posts over the last few days. Little things that became big things that shifted something in my heart at the time have fallen out of focus a bit over the last year or so. For instance, a nugget God revealed to me two years ago – I wrote around that time to share with you – went from the front of my mind to a dark shelf in the corner. Like I said, I’ve been in need of a realignment.
In October 2023, I started a series, Freedom Focused, where I wrote in one of the posts, if there’s any area (of my life) that’s not glistening with hope, then I’m believing the lie that I’m not loved by God. Reading those words left me feeling sucker punched. I have definitely had some days that were not glistening with hope.
In another post from a series that detailed a bit of our move from Alaska to North Carolina, Forever Favored, I shared a moment that I was put in my place and uplifted at the same time. Our truck had decided it wanted to hang out in Oklahoma for a few days and when I was about to lose it while sitting on the side of a busy highway, a little voice in my head directed four words in my direction: But did you die? I was suddenly reminded of all the car troubles in the past that I obviously had moved on from.
As I read through these posts and a few others, I felt so encouraged. Not an encouragement born from arrogance but encouraged because I was being reminded about what God had done for me and my family… well, at least some of what He’s done for us. There’s so much that we won’t even see on this side of Heaven.
I started to recall other moments and remembered that I had written about them, so I had to go back and read those, too. As I perused, walked down memory lane, I was reminded about God’s goodness and faithfulness. I was especially encouraged when I read through Boosted by God-Moments.
Sometimes it can be difficult to bring to mind a God-moment when we’re in the middle of a trying time. There we are, trucking along and life just flows… and then something happens. Something shakes us, something has us venturing into a worst-case-scenario train of thought. When I’m going through the tough stuff, I’m not typically thinking about all the ways God has come through for me in the past.
No, I usually start questioning myself… what could I have done differently? How should I respond to this? Should I respond at all? Did I use the wrong tone when I addressed this? There are even times that I question whether we did what God wanted us to do in the first place. Thoughts like, we must not be in God’s will, still wriggle their way in even though I know they aren’t true.
Did you know that when I’m caught up in those questions, I’m taking my focus off of my Provider?
All of the times that I was stranded on the side of the road having car problems, I started worrying about the cost, I was upset about not getting where I had been headed, and to be honest, I was usually in tears or on the verge of letting them fall. I wasn’t focused on God and how He always provides for me – I was focused on the problem.
All of the years that I was held captive by alcohol, I saw my efforts to get sober as the only solution. I was focused on the problem and my futile efforts! I was not focused on God and the fact that He came to set us free (Galatians 5:1). I was focused on my strength instead of His. My faithfulness and not His.
When this blog reached its 7th anniversary back in April, I didn’t celebrate with any real pizzazz. I was glad, of course, but I failed to see God in it. Instead of walking in joy and peace with the knowledge that I’m only tasked with planting the seeds, I was doubting myself because I seemed to think that I should see a more immediate harvest. I kept thinking that if God was really wanting me to do this, I should have a million followers.
All of the ways that we lose focus on God… all of the ways we get distracted by the voice of the enemy… I’m still having to be reminded that God has already redeemed those, too.
Maybe you’ve struggled with hearing the voice of the accuser whispering in your ear, shaming you… condemning you… or simply reminding you of the horrible things you’ve done. Even though I’m free of any temptation or desire for alcohol, I’m often reminded how pathetic I am for not being able to get free on my own. The enemy will even use our victories in Jesus against us!
My husband shared something that hit just right the other day in the form of a question. I’m still thinking about it and marveling at how I hadn’t noticed it, but it really is so very obvious now. When I say that it’s not about my faithfulness, but rather it’s about His faithfulness, I’m not just saying something that sounds good.
It’s Jesus’ faithfulness that makes everything possible! Everything is held together by His Word (Hebrews 1:3). It’s His faithfulness that is our shield and protection (Psalm 91:6). And it’s His faithfulness that kept Him on the cross when He had the power to be delivered from it (Matthew 26:53).
The question my husband posed is this: Do I have faith in His faithfulness to me?
When the enemy starts whispering in my ear, planting seeds of doubt, calling me by failures, and trying to condemn me… do I have faith in Jesus’ faithfulness to me? When the car breaks down, the doctor delivers some bad news, or a relationship hits a big bump in the road – do I have faith in His faithfulness to me?
I might still shrug some troubling times off with a remark of But did you die? but I think it’s imperative that we become a bit more purposeful in recognizing and recalling His faithfulness to us. I want every area of my life glistening with hope. I want this realignment to have His love permeating every area of my being.
Do you have faith in His faithfulness to you? I’ll be studying this out more and will share what I find, so stick around. I’m excited to spend time making discoveries about His faithfulness. When it’s not about what I can do, but about what He can do, well, it certainly takes the pressure off.