Good Enough

Does anyone else agree that growing can be painful? I don’t have memories of having growing pains in childhood. I don’t recall waking up in the middle of the night with pain in my legs, but our kiddos have all gone through it. It makes sense to me – seeds literally break open in order for the plant to grow – but I just don’t recall ever personally experiencing it.

If you were to ask me about growing in other ways, like personal development or spiritually, I can say that those periods of growth hurt quite a bit. I’ve had those seasons of growing that had me in tears for weeks and months on end. As I’ve been thinking about this, I realized that a lot of those tears came because I was struggling to accept that I had to come to the end of myself in order to move forward.

I remember as a single parent that I cried night after night because I had borrowed money from my parents. I was a single mom at the time and child support had stopped coming completely right around the time that my car was in the shop over and over again. But I didn’t want to admit defeat. I didn’t want a handout, and I didn’t want pity. But I had come to the end of myself and felt like an utter failure.

Part of that season of growth was about learning to put aside my pride. It was a time to learn that I am not enough – and I’m not supposed to be enough. You’re not supposed to be enough either.

Every season that I’ve gone through has pointed that very thing out – I’m not enough. I know that I’m hard-headed, but it seems to be a lesson that I learn in levels. I don’t know how many levels there are in total, but every time I think I’ve learned it, getting my gold star, I find out that there’s a higher level to climb to.

So, I pose the question: do you think you’re enough?

Just like with GPS, I feel like I’m constantly experiencing a recalculation. As a non-practicing Christian (it’s a thing – not a good thing, but it’s a thing), I had to admit defeat when my parents loaned me some money. I wasn’t in a place that I was calling on God, but my parents have been long-time listeners of God and knew what to do and how to step in. But it boiled down to the reality that my efforts alone were not enough.

When I stepped into a renewed relationship with God, I discovered more areas that I simply was not enough. Every struggle I faced with addiction, with motherhood, with marriage… all of it seemed to spotlight how I wasn’t enough. I often struggle to be the wife my husband needs and desires, I wasn’t enough when I had back-to-back miscarriages, I wasn’t enough when I struggled and failed with nursing my babies, and I wasn’t enough when I couldn’t seem to walk away from the bottle. I wasn’t enough. And I’m not enough now.

This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.” Lamentations 3:21-24 NASB

Another area where I’ve found that I’m not enough is in my understanding of this passage. When I read this, the word fail means to fall short or to be unsuccessful. But this word is translated from the Hebrew word kâlâh (Strong’s H3615) and actually means to accomplish, to be complete, to cease, or to be used up (there’s a long list of others that sing the same tune).

God’s love, grace, and mercy will never be used up! They will never reach an end where they will cease to be poured out. I’ve lived through a season where I didn’t do more than acknowledge that God was out there and I’ve also experienced God’s palpable presence a time or two. I wasn’t enough in either of those times.

I’ve reached the level where I know without a doubt that I’m not enough and I don’t ever want to be enough.

I don’t want to be enough because then it would suggest that I no longer need God’s love, grace, and mercy. I don’t want to rely solely on myself or anyone else (because they aren’t enough either) because God does for us so much better than we can do for ourselves. He will always be more than enough.

For out of His fullness [the superabundance of His grace and truth] we have all received grace upon grace [spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing, favor upon favor, and gift heaped upon gift]. John 1:16 AMP

There are too many of us who have this crazy notion that we need to prove ourselves to God – that we’re worthy of His love, that we’re good enough to receive His free gift of grace, and that we’re trying hard enough that His mercy is something we’ve earned.

I can hear people bristling up at that – I know I can’t earn it… we’re saved by grace through faith… – but it seems to be human nature that when something bad happens, we start looking at ourselves. What did we do? What didn’t we do? And there are even times that we point our finger at other people and what we think they did or didn’t do.

But our source is not in ourselves… and it’s not found in other people… Our source is found in Jesus Christ.

He is the One who makes us worthy (Colossians 1:22, Titus 3:4-7). He is the One who clothes us in His righteousness (Isaiah 61:10, II Corinthians 5:21). He is the One who leaves the 99 to go looking for the one (Matthew 18:12-14, Luke 15:3-7). He is the One who has given us power and authority (Mark 16:16-18, Ephesians 1:19-23). It is only in Christ that we are enough.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

When I was a kiddo, I never really understood what the yoke of slavery was. When I was a single mom though and struggling in ways that went far beyond the financial, I understood being weary and carrying heavy burdens. I would love to say that I don’t experience that heaviness anymore, but every time I try to be enough or assume that I should be enough, I feel the weight of it.

I’ve learned that trying to be enough is its own type of slavery… and none of us were meant to bear the weight of it.

If you’re struggling right now – financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually (any of the -allys) – I want to pray for you. I’m always up for receiving an email or reading a comment about how God has moved in your life or how you need a move in your life, so don’t hesitate to reach out (ohblessitgrace@gmail.com).

Abba, Father… I thank You for being my enough. I praise you for creating me, saving me, and holding me. I know there’s a lot of people struggling right now – they’re hurting, doubting, and not sure where to turn. I ask that You reveal yourself to them. I ask that You do what only You can do. And I pray that they feel your presence. I pray for fresh revelations for Your people and those You are calling. I thank you for being such a good, good Father. It’s in Jesus’ name and authority that I pray. Amen.