Can anyone relate to feeling as though they must have time travelled? I’m in a very unique situation in which I have three young children and one whose right-footed big toe is poking out the door. From a licensed driver with a job all the way to a toddler who refuses to potty train; one who seems to live off of Totinos pizza and Ramen noodles and the other only eats Goldfish crackers and apple slices. In previous years, as school lets out, I never really paused to focus on how much time I had left (and what to do with it). This school year, at its end, was a little different.
In addition to the uniqueness of our children, I also am a very blessed sister. While I have a brother that I grew up with, I also have two younger siblings that came along after I was already out of the house. My little sister graduated this year and has reminded me just how quickly time passes. I was there to witness her birth, and I’ve now watched her accept her well-earned diploma. I’m becoming aware of all the ways I’m not prepared for my own daughter to be done with school. What’s more important than my readiness is whether or not my daughter, class of 2020, is ready.
Now you’re rolling your eyes and about to exit out of this post thinking, “Oh, Bru, you have no idea… mine has been ready since they became a pre-teen!” Yes, I completely understand, know, and feel your pain. I’m talking about being ready, ready. As in having the training to not just survive (by a thread at times) but to thrive in real life outside of Mommy’s and Daddy’s home. I’ve somehow passed the 20th anniversary of my own high school graduation (see – time travel), and there are several things I wish I had learned before flying the coop.
I recently had a coffee date with my best friend (she lives about 4 hours away now *sniff *sniff) and our conversation turned to some thought-provoking topics. Recent losses that we’ll never fully understand this side of heaven, breaking cycles of abuse, and finally mixing in some happy-tear news. As I was driving home, I couldn’t help think about my kiddos. How am I equipping them to not just survive, but to thrive? Naturally, being alone with my thoughts, I started talking with God.
How do I equip my kids to thrive in life? What would have helped me as I went through hardship after hardship (some my own doing and some because we live in a fallen world)? As I talked through things aloud with God, through the Holy Spirit nudging me to get there, I came to two main concepts.
1. God is always good
2. Have an attitude of gratitude
As I rolled these two things through my mind, over and over again, I realized that I could have been better equipped growing up. I recall many times that, instead of being reminded that God is good, it was pointed out how big a sinner I was. It was all on me. Because of me, Jesus died on the cross. Every time I messed up it was like Jesus had to die again for me. Condemnation and guilt being heaped upon my head over and over again contributed to my turning away from a God I could never measure up to. That’s a God who is impossible to please! But that’s not God…
All throughout the Bible, page after page, there are verses proclaiming God’s love for us, the lengths He went to restore relationship with us, and countless promises of peace between us. God is not out to get any of us! Isaiah 54:9-10 (NIV) tells us: ““To me this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth. So now I have sworn not to be angry with you, never to rebuke you again. Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” A few verses later, God continues to promise that if anyone does attack us, it will not be His doing. God is not to blame for hardships. God is good! Having that firmly established, it changes the filter we see the world through. We’re able to see that God is for us and not against us (Romans 8:31).
Before my husband I started dating, he was living and working in Colorado, building custom homes. One morning, he woke up on the wrong side of the bedroom – really bad mood. Anyone who knows Ken knows that he is a very happy, patient, and easy-going man. He doesn’t get ruffled easily and is always ready to laugh. Not on this particular morning. He grumbled and scowled and got on the road to work. At the time, he had a rather long commute which didn’t help alleviate his darkened outlook. But something in his spirit kept telling him to give thanks. Of course, he had sarcastic replies to that, but he finally (grudgingly) relented.
At first, his praying was a bit of, “fine… thank you that I’m not dead… thank you that my family’s not all dead… thank you that I have to go to work…” and the sarcasm went on a little longer. Progressively, though, drop by little drop, joy started seeping in. At one point, he came to a stop at a red light and was literally bouncing in the cab of the truck. When he came to a stop, a green M&M rolled into view on the floor. He picked it up and shouted, “And thank you for green M&Ms!”
This became a tale that he would share on a regular basis, and now one that I share, as well. In every situation, there is something we can find to be thankful for. While you may have leftovers going bad in your fridge, you have plenty of food. While you may have been in a fender-bender, you weren’t T-boned or in a head-on collision. It’s not about the glass always being half-full, but about recognizing that God is good and continually heaps blessings to the point our cup overflows (Psalms 23). I Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV) tells us “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
It’s not always easy to feel thankful. If I’m in a fender-bender, I tend to focus on the hassle of insurance claims, and the horrible experience of shaky, adrenaline-stressed emotionalism, and my mind jumps to the worst-case scenario that could have been. It’s usually later on that I see some of the ways in which we were spared. Gratitude is something that has to be exercised daily, over and over again, as often as possible. That’s why it’s so important to teach our kids at an early age.
If we know and acknowledge that God is always good, then having an “attitude of gratitude” will come easy to us. We’ll have a peace that the world doesn’t comprehend and an advantage over the evil that would otherwise crush us. Let’s give our kids the advantage. It’s time to shine in a dark world. It’s time to not just survive, but to thrive.
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39 (NIV)
What our family does to help cultivate an “Attitude of Gratitude”:
- In the evenings, when we’re getting the kids ready for bed, we take little pieces of paper and write down at least one thing we’re thankful for. Afterwards, we fold it up and put it in a big bowl. Every now and then, as we feel lead, we read a few as a reminder of the things we’ve been thankful for in the past.
- My husband and I make prayer purposeful. By writing down, even as a grocery list, the things that we are thankful for along with the things we share concerns about, we’re able to look back over the same list months later and are reminded of God’s goodness.
- Instead of researching everything I can on symptoms I’m experiencing, first I go to what God says. His promises of salvation are not just referring to our souls and after our earthly death, but for the here and now on earth (Matthew 6:9-13). He has our best in mind, only good things, and if we allow Him to, He will carry us through when the evil of the world attacks.