Y’all, I’m a mess. We moved out of our little rental at the beginning of April and there were about six weeks leading up to it where I caught myself saying it is what it is… for almost everything. Different uncertainties would come up for review and I would go through all the possible outcomes and end up shrugging and saying it is what it is. You know you’re saying something a lot when you start to notice it yourself. No one had to tell me – the words would be on their way out of my mouth, and I would get frustrated with myself for being so repetitive and predictable.
I don’t want to be remembered as someone who isn’t very well-spoken. When my husband and I have our frustrations with each other (because every couple does) we talk things out and I try to articulate my perspective and feelings in a healthy way. And saying things like it is what it is sounds to me like a defeat. It’s like saying whatever and saying whatever is a cop-out and the shrugging off of all responsibility. Am I so easily giving up on all these areas that seem to be unchangeable?
I love that quote by Eleanor Roosevelt – You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
No matter her political stance, this is something that I can certainly agree with for going through life – I think this is a beneficial outlook for everyone. This really throws out the victim mentality. So many people face hard things and choose to take hold of being a victim instead of rising to a position of victory. Do bad things happen in life? Absolutely! But there is always something we can change. We can either change something about the situation, or we can change our attitude while navigating through it.
Now, to be clear, I cannot say that I have ever gone through what I would consider any horrors. I’ve been through hard, but not horror. In those times, I wish I could say that I had the right attitude right away, but I definitely tend to fly off the handle for a beat or two (sometimes three). I have noticed that as my relationship with God deepens, I will approach challenges differently. Notice that I said differently and not perfectly – there’s always room to grow.
But staying in victimhood will never provide you with the opportunity to grow. You won’t be able to grow as a person and your relationship with God will be stunted.
What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:31-39 NLT
This passage describes the very opposite of the victim mentality. Overwhelming victory is ours through Christ! But it’s the reliance on Jesus that gives us the ability to navigate this life without victimhood. Because of Jesus, we have victory over every scheme of the enemy!
I’ve come to see that God is always working out something for our good. Like I said, sometimes it takes me a hot minute, but I do tend to see God at work more quickly than I did earlier in my walk with Him. And when I can’t see it right off, I’ve started to look for it. Just remember: if it’s not good, then God’s not done.
When God is for us, who can be against us? And God is most definitely for us. His love for us is everlasting (Jeremiah 31:3), faithful (Psalm 108:4), unfailing (I Corinthians 13:7), and perfect (Romans 5:8).
I know how easy it is to grab onto the victim identity – being wronged by others is hard. Sometimes it’s horrors. Sometimes we grab at victimhood for only a minute, and other times we linger there. But God has so much more for you, and He will not leave you to face anything alone. He’s always with you, will never forsake you, and every enemy that comes against you will be put to shame.
The Bible is packed full of promises from God for us to hold onto with expectation to receive – in this life (I John 4:17). As I continue to grow in my relationship with God, I can’t help but latch onto so many passages found in Isaiah – promises that were made so long ago, but with all who would believe in mind. I’ve included a few of my favorite at the end of this post that have offered comfort to me when I’ve been going through it – before and after the hot minute it takes for me to calm my mess. Look them up in your Bible or online.
If you’re going through something – big or small, hard or horror – I pray that you’ll lean into God, trust that His promises are true and for you, and look for the good that He’s working out for you. I’m looking forward to my saying of it is what it is to become a saying of victory. Like having the victory is having the victory.
Isaiah 40:28-31
Isaiah 41:9-13
Isaiah 43:1-2
Isaiah 54:9-17