I love how God created us for relationship with Him. He created us to be in relationship with others as well. Our lives revolve around relationships. We adore our parents and caregivers from inside the womb, we crave a BFF as a child to the point of creating our own imaginary friend, we crave a spouse, and we desire a social group when we have families of our own. But what about the time between childhood and adulthood?
Middle and high school years are prominently spent searching for belonging. We start to tear down the boundaries our parents built for us, our imaginary friends died horrific deaths, and we only think we’re ready for a spouse. Cliques are now referred to as tribes, but regardless of what we call them, the search becomes a real hunger for so many.
I recall not fitting in anywhere. I wasn’t quite a nerd; I wasn’t quite a delinquent. I went from AP courses (Advanced Placement) to no child left behind because I didn’t want to focus on studying. I wasn’t accepted in clubs or extracurricular activities because I had to work and couldn’t make meetings or practices. This feeling of rejection – real or imagined – stemmed from feeling rejected in other areas.
I was so severely questioning my faith that I didn’t feel at home in my own home either (pastor’s kiddo). I felt like a lost failure – I had failed to keep my family together, I was doubting God because of it, and I felt so alone. I felt rejected by my parents in so many ways – big and small – that left me literally and figuratively alone… and that led to my self-inflicted isolation from the church.
Because I was tired of wrestling with my faith, I stopped going to youth group, I merely went through the motions in church, and my Bible fell to the back of the closet in a room I barely slept in. The tribe I found in high school had similar stories, but we found we could laugh together. While I was never inclined to go to church, my tribe knew I believed in God. I created for myself certain boundaries, but for the most part, I didn’t act much like a Christian.
Because I went through this stretch of time, now when I read passages of the Bible, there’s often a teenage girl crying in my heart. I’m able to see that I was looking in the wrong direction – to the wrong people, both in my search and felt rejections – and God still never left my side. All of the times that things could have gone wrong with settings and in situations, God still covered me with His protection. One passage in particular hooked me when I was in my 20’s.
But now, this is what the Lord says, He who is your Creator, Jacob, and He who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. Isaiah 43:1-2 NASB
This passage is beautifully poetic in its imagery, isn’t it? I bet you can think of at least one instance when you felt like you might drown, you were knocked down, or that you were walking through fire. Because of my experiences in high school and as a younger adult, I latched on to the first 7 verses of Isaiah 43 and decided that if this was who God is, then I wanted to know Him.
This, in part, sent me searching for God. Not for His location (He never left me), but for His character, nature, and truth. A little side note: the internet is awesome in so many ways. Being able to Google scripture, ask Siri for Bible verses, and make requests of Alexa are revolutionary. It amazes me that we can have such tools at the sound of our voice and the tips of our fingers, yet we can still not see what God thinks of us and who He is. Take time to check out Psalm 139 for a beautiful view of God and His intimate focus He has on you.
A couple years ago, my husband and I decided that we needed to start going to church again. Almost a decade ago, we had experienced what is widely known as church hurt. After that, we were met with messages of guilt and condemnation when trying out other churches. You may have heard some of those: You’re saved by grace, but in order for you to be acceptable, make sure you do A, B, and C (as well as the rest of the alphabet – the list for God’s acceptance is extensive after all). Needless to say, we were not super excited to start looking for a new church.
It’s the search for a tribe all over again, isn’t it? We want certain things in a church that will fit the season we’re in and can possibly grow into the next season with. We were headed into church every Sunday with the full armor of God on in order to guard against the message that God didn’t do enough. Then we got to the point that we were just not going to church at all. The search for a church became an uncharted sea, we were afraid we would drown, and if not, we were most certainly going to be burned.
If you’ve ever experienced food poisoning, you know that first bit of food you ingest after recovery can be a bit difficult to muster the courage to eat. But you must eat again. Perhaps you’ve experienced church hurt, but you must eat again. Without the encouragement, without the fellowship, without the iron to sharpen iron, you’ll suffer… the devil is out to steal, to kill, and to destroy, and that’s his mission with the church as well. Imagine if Billy Graham had left the church because he had been hurt and never became the pastor that reached millions.
No matter how you were wronged, no matter the type of food poisoning, learn to forgive God’s children. We all make mistakes and disappoint others, but we also have the capacity to love with God’s help.
When you study passages like Isaiah 43:1-7 and Psalm 139, you can’t help but have hope spark inside you. Hope that is like a soothing balm on the wounds of a scared teenager… a comforting knowledge that God is not only with you in the good times, but He’s there in the bad. That’s what a tribe is.
The Israelites were facing the Red Sea on one side and the Egyptian Army on the other – both were death. But God parted the waters and annihilated the enemy (Exodus 14:19-31). Decades later they were coming into the Promised Land and came to the Jordan River during its flood-stage. But God held the waters back so that more than a million Israelites could cross on dry ground (Joshua 3:14-17). Then, even when in captivity, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego were thrown into the fiery furnace and were seen walking around with one who had a god-like appearance – they came out without even the smell of smoke on them (Daniel 3:19-27).
When you pass through the waters, God is with you – perhaps your enemies aren’t well-trained in swimming. The rivers will not overflow you (even when they’re at flood-stage) because He gives us safe passage. And He will keep you safe in the fire as well. We will face things in life, but He promises to be with us, to protect us, and to guide us. He is in all my yesterdays, and He’s in all of my tomorrows.
He is the only One who will never let us down. The church is full of well-meaning people, but we’re not perfect. We are redeemed, but we don’t always get it right. Allow God to part the waters and direct your steps to finding your tribe. He’s provided the best tribe for us on this side of Heaven in the form of His church, but we won’t experience it unless we trust Him. Let Him lead you to a body of believers. Let Him be the provider of your tribe.