If you’re looking for a typical Christmas post, then you may have come to the wrong place. I know that most bloggers and influencers should probably post based on the season or current events, but I’m feeling my rebel spirit rising up. Don’t get me wrong – this is a pivotal holiday for my faith, but I’m just not feeling it this time around. I think it’s wonderful to focus on certain celebrated events, but there’s a… hesitation… or a shift that is turning my heart in a different direction. It’s almost a sadness that I’m not sure I can articulate. I know, a blogger that can’t find the words. Let’s see what I can dig up for you.
The Christmas story is a very well-known story, but to some, that’s all it is – a story. It’s so easy to get caught up in the rush of the holiday season with gifts, parties, and family get-togethers. We get so stretched thin that we often forget Who we’re celebrating. Our faith gets mixed in with bells that jingle, and we picture a jolly, bearded old guy instead of a baby that came to die for us. A slow fade that steals from us.
I don’t want to say that I’ve been chewing on some dirt (gross!), but I’ve definitely been digging and sifting through some. Not the gossipy kind, but the organic kind. Hard compacted dirt, rock-riddled dry dirt, thorny-weedy dirt, and lush rich soil. My husband is really interested in regenerative farming, so he’s enjoyed the conversations that have sprouted from my dirt examinations. Jesus talks about the different seed-landings in Matthew 13, Mark 4, and Luke 8 in case you’re interested in checking out what He has to say – really, you should read at least one of them.
It took some time to get past it, but I used to feel a bit condemned every time I heard a message on this dirty parable. I never felt as though I could confidently say I had any good, lush soil. I always identified with the rocky and thorny soils more than the soil that was considered good for growing. Regenerative farming doesn’t use plows because plowing steals nutrients from the soil and causes erosion (among other things). Well, over the course of decades, the soils of my heart had definitely been over plowed and some had been trampled to a stone-like compaction.
I’m not going to point fingers at churches or pastors or parents. What’s taught and what’s caught are not always the same thing. I can hear an amazing message on God’s love and His grace and feel empowered to live holy as a response. Someone else might simply disregard the entire message because they have a preconceived idea about who delivered it and start throwing accusations that we’re being told we can go live in sin. There’s often a difference in what is taught and what is caught and what is assumed. I jump to conclusions as well when it comes to pastors and books, but not a single person out there says the right thing every time. Grace shouldn’t just be received but should be offered as well. But I digress…
As a child, I caught legalistic love labeled as unconditional love. By the time I was a teenager, the soils of my heart were rebelling from ever receiving or producing anything that had to do with faith. I was taught, and because of what I caught, I started assuming that all of it was a lie. While I don’t recall ever believing that Santa was real, I vividly remember wondering why so many believed the lie, but also why they would be lied to at all.
I’ve been digging in the dirt, and as I’ve examined some soil samples from different areas of my heart’s garden, I’ve realized that my soil in one area is not the same as the soil in another. I might have some rich soil that’s ready to produce some fruit when it comes to God’s grace, but there are patches of stones and thorny weeds scattered throughout. While I wholeheartedly believe the good news of God’s grace and love towards us, I often struggle with continued forgiveness in a few areas. That means I’ve forgiven, but there’s no trust and no restoration of relationship, so I’m left with grace that is grieving and at times questioning whether I’ve forgiven at all.
There are areas that are not quite ready for the seeds because I’m still sifting through times of pain, deception, and the soil needs time to rest.
Timing for our being ready to receive is mentioned in Galatians 4:1-7. Even though this is not mentioned often in the telling of the true Christmas story (Son of God born to a virgin), I think it’s interesting that God has a thought-out process. Take creation as an example: God didn’t start with creating the water teeming with life because there was nowhere to put it! God is purposeful in all that He does and in all that He says and the order and timing in which He does and says it in. The soils have to be just right.
What types of soils are in your heart’s garden? Have you been led to believe lies? Have you caught religion instead of relationship? There are thorns and rocks that I’m struggling to allow God to remove, but I’m also finding that He doesn’t leave voids. When He removes the rocks and thorns, He refills with life-giving richness. Let me put it this way: would you rather have Santa that only gives once a year if you’ve been nice, or do you want Jesus whose blessings are new every morning based on His goodness, not yours?
God is not wanting to hide away and be secretive. He wants us to know Him and His ways, but we can only do that when our soils are just right (Mark 4:21-25). When we seek Him, we will find Him. A pastor I listen to pretty regularly says that the Bible is the only book that, when you read it, the author shows up. He doesn’t want our soils to lack the nutrients needed to produce good fruit. He doesn’t want the world to choke out the good news of Jesus. He doesn’t want us to be so busy that we completely miss the greatest gift of all time.
Perhaps I’m feeling a bit sad because there are so many who have over plowed soils, rocks strewn about, or completely compacted so as to resemble stone. Santa and elf shenanigans are a lot of fun, but the health of our heart’s soils are not a worthy trade-off. I hope we celebrate Jesus this year. We can celebrate a glorious event that is beyond our understanding of the how because we have healthy soil that can receive and trust the why.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:16-17 NIV
“Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and shall bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,” which translated means, “God with us.” Matthew 1:23 NASB